I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
if you force a hooker to have sex with you and dont pay her would it be rape or theft? something to ponder
We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
$1 pitcher night should be outlawed.
Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now..
I am not bailing you of of jail
toilet paper cling ons are not as adorable as the little red cub makes them look on the charmin commercials.
in fingerprint form on my ass. Seriously not cool. \ni bruiiiseeee like a delicate fruiiiitttt. Heeeaaarrr the rythymmm
We found him wrapped up in a giant table umbrella in the bathroom.
There's 50 people in our house, none of them are wearing shirts. The keg has been relocated twice and our bathroom door is missing again...when will we ever learn?
She sat next to me on the couch and said "word going around is you got a sweet cock". My nickname problem was solved!
I just googled, "how to do boob makeup" thats the kind of night I wanna have.
I will keep you posted and someday if we daydrink teach you how to do a footjob
Great. I broke up with him before he could like my selfie, now I'm down a like.
It's a beautiful day to be high as fuck
I'm sitting on the couch playing the sims, how's ur night going?
I'm sitting on my floor, drinking wine, and listening to bette midlers "wind beneath my wings"
Why are our lives so predictable?
Randomize
