How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
It's a beautiful day for a hangover
So I heard you only slept with me because you were drunk...is that true?
That depends on who this is.
the girl next to me in class is drinking a margarita out of a slurpee cup. i know your going to ask how i know its a margarita and the answer is i can smell the tequila. i never want to leave this place
Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
She said to bring taco sauce. Hoping that's a euphemism.
Even jesus won't love me after tonight. I'm going hard.
You dont lie about slip and slides
how are you shocked you fucked her? sure shes hot, but she also washed your beerpong balls in her mouth..... you should probably get tested.
You tried tipping the cashier at Cook Out by shoving a dollar bill down his shirt and yelling "Magic Mike"
The drunk people on this bus are singing Journey songs. This is the whitest thing I've ever experienced
He left his cock-ring in my truck.
Consider it a gay sex souvenir.
Bro, that'd be the third dick I've taken down in the office.
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
Look get the dick out ur mouth and answer the phone
Randomize
