You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
I am scared. I picture you doing a keg stand on a sinking ship with hula girls cheering you on. Please text me when you get back to shore...or now would be good
it wasnt like "sexy" or whatever. like...she was smiling just standing there butt ass naked
tasteful.
I dont even remember coming home... All my stuff is strewn randomly around my apartment... And I woke up at 5 sitting propped up in my bed with just my arm in a shirt
No, I got those cupcakes fair and square. That homeless man should have known not to underestimate the determination of a stoned chem student.
And then we were riding the keg in the pool like an 8 second rodeo...naked.
Breakfast Clubbing as Juggalos. I can feel our IQs in freefall.
I guess I'm open to more types of dick now
well at least now you can say you got an STD from the frontman of a band no one's heard of
fuck you.
Is there some sort of line being crossed when your shower activities start to involve jimmy johns?
what do we think the timeline is for when your liver will begin to revolt against your drinking habits?
just got a call from a life insurance sellsperson and apparently our xany dealer referenced us. not cool thats breaking the 4th wall
You can't be mad... I'm letting you jerk off in my parents shower
We fucked for 9 months, but he didn't want anything serious. So, I got rid of him and went on a date with a guy last night that looks like Kylo Ren. Who's really winning here?
That ass isn’t going to eat itself.
Randomize
