i was blowing him and "what if god was one of us" came on his playlist. I had to leave
Just toasted a glass of brandy with my own reflection to my dimples. Why are you not here?
He promised he'd be the first bidder on my ebay item if i went home with him. Worth it.
the bank didn't screw up, i spent 150$ at mcdonalds last night
I'm pretty sure that when my parents bought me those savings bonds they thought it would go towards something useful like tuition. Not your bail.
I told you I'd buy you lunch.
Of course the bar would go completely silent right as I yell out "I don't have AIDS"
she visited to give me a bj between clients. Social work at its finest.
after all you did bang a few mechanics. you must have got some second hand skills by now for building us a go kart.
"Little drunk?" Honey you were "livetweeting" Sublime's "Sublime" album while it was playing in his car, and at one point you said you hoped they play Santeria. "Little drunk" doesn't cover it.
Well, he was my lawyer and now we get drunk and hook up.
That explains the way he looks at you.
Never do acid then ask for a blow job while watching 28 Days Later. Heed my advice.
How do I figure out the name of this sleeping naked guy in my bed?
Get here now. I need a drinking buddy. I don't care if you're in a different timezone, it'll be five o clock here faster.
I woke up with what has to be a whole pack of smarties loose in my bra. Was that your fault?
Every time I see this chick she's swimming naked at a pool party. That's gotta mean something right?
Randomize
