those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
WTF YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND?
Oh yeah that.
You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
So I guess I passed out face first on the ground while trying to grill last night
It's a Lindsey's Going to Jail Theme party.
Yeah, he has a kid now! Shit... You know you're all grown up when the people you used to have threesomes with become parents
He asked for a foot job. Whatever. I guess I'm swimming in new slut waters tonight.
Dude. Her vagina is a blender.
It's amazing
I want to run hundreds of miles and do a whole semesters worth of homework while flying on a unicorn and throwing endless glitter bombs
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.
4 pharmacies and not one had Plan B. If this is gods way of telling me it's time for a child, he can fuck off.
Literally I woke up the other day and the girl part of me was like “GET CUFFED MOTHERFUCKER” and I went ham on tinder.
My goal tonight is to be arrested by the Police Women of Cincinnati.
Its like he got lessons from Jesus on how to use his tongue. And his dick.
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