OH MY GOD! I just remembered how we ended our bar time last night: picking up and drinking random drinks that ppl had left. wtf is wrong with us?! that's so ghetto!
No. You're kidding.
I am not. I wish I were. I speak the truth.
I don't know where I am but the food in the fridge is awesome.
we were exchanging secrets last night... she told me about how she put markers in her vaj in middle school. found a keeper.
.....so he has a son. Josh. That is not his roommate
A horse told me not to drive home last night. I think there was a cop on top of it.
She carries a brick in her purse. I wouldn't get in a fight with her
this is not real life
it never is. after midnight never counts.
I'm reffing a fight in Fight Club I don't even know what I'm doing
You sent me a cat video and you screaming drunkenly in my background
I don't know why I do this to myself his dick is a constant source of disappointment.
I want my tombstone to read "making poor life decisions since 1993"
I fell out of the car while it was moving then got puked on then puked and cried about then got back in the car and puked out the window when we started moving again
Remind me to talk to you about nipple clamps.
Now swiping left on 23-year-olds with abs. Is this adulting?
I've never met a penis that didn't think I was awesome.
Randomize
