apparently i broke a 100 dollar bill to tip the bartender on a free drink
We're pretty sure the 'pocket' aspect of the hot pocket is unnecessary. Testing our theory now.
I like you better when you drink
I like you better when I drink too
I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
I'm pretty sure he came before I knew he was inside me.. Didn't think that was his plan when he said he was gonna do things I've never experienced before
Dude idk, apparently telling two drunk chicks 'that's whats up' after watching them lick eachother's face wasn't the compliment they were looking for. I mean I was fucking hammered.
Wow.
everybody makes mistakes
i didn't know they allowed you to text in ambulances
I fell alseep but then some dude picked me up. Comforter and all stuck a blunt in my mouth and carried me back downstairs because "I wasn't done partying"
I woke up in the ER. This living like theres no tomorrow really could mean theres no tomorrow.
We got out of the car in valet drinking beers we gave the valet one as a tip
Didn't get carded at the bar. We're getting wasted and then walking over to Bass Pro Shops to watch the indoor ducks swim around. And possibly buying a tent.
I wish you looked at me the way you looked at my brothers penis
He seems like a lot more than a waste of tequila
I knew it was all downhill from there when the straight vodka I was drinking tasted like water.
Disclaimer- Don’t worry about my wounded nip. I put a bandaid on it.
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