The whole way homeyou were flapping your arms up and down, and when I asked why you said you were trying to tell Tony Danza about the angels.
I am full of burrito and curiosity
Found my new morning breakfast spot. Hospital cafeteria. Nobody asks questions, they just assume shit went downnn
You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
I imagine the nuva ring like a bug zapper. It just kills them all.
just made one giant jello shot... if i have to study on a saturday night, i'm gonna do it as drunk as possible
You were in your third change of clothes, and I found you in my driveway passed out with my dog's food bowl. You win.
You don't understand, we were on a waffle house. Both of us were absolutely certain we passed out at his place then BAM! Waffle house.
She who has the vag holds all the power. He will learn one way or the other.
I'm in my bed. Snow angles in fresh sheets. don't even try to get me out tonight.
Some male strippers are here, I threw pancakes at them. It's ok
Exactly best part of my night he took of his shirt and surprise traveler fanny pack
Yesterday we were fuck buddies and today I'm meeting his mom. That escalated quickly.
I guess you never know how much of an impact you have on someone until you sleep with their cousin
The moment when you go to plug in someone else's phone in your car and your lube is in the way. Don't mind that it's just my center console car lube. Normal.
Randomize
