the only thing i knew about you is that u dated jordan and were potentially interested in a threesome
it actually wasnt that awkward...i planned on saying hello and walking away..then she asked if i wanted to go to lunch and i looked at her chest and said absolutely
i'm pretty sure i saw my life flash before my eyes when we ran a red light. i continued to drink and be the drunk backseat driver.
You said that about some fat chick sitting on the base of a lamp post and puking. Downright heroic.
Faces of meth called, they want their look back.
I want to throw all of their shoes in the pool so I feel like there is some justice in the world
Lol, you asked the waitress to box up someone else's discarded food last night
Finally another gay clarinet player. They're surprisingly rare.
I like dinosaurs. I like penises. It's kind of a win win
I hope to God it's not the new neighbors having sex, because what I'm hearing sounds like a mildly defective vuvuzela or a cow giving birth.
For our 1st date, he tried to schedule a rock climbing. I suggested, "how about we meet at my place and you can scale Mt. Vagina?"
We just won 1800 at the casino and are going to the strip club. Who gives a fuck if it's 5pm
he sent me the greatest dick pic I've ever received.
he actually took the time to cut a fingertip off of a glove then put it on his dick like a beanie. he called it hipster dick.
Being drunk isn't an excuse for eating all of the bacon asshole
So apparently I tried texting you last night to tell you I wasn't coming home, but all I had typed were lyrics from Evita
Randomize
