Deadliest Catch is NOT foreplay
wait so...it's like an actual thing to masturbate using the detachable shower head? WTF I thought I was being creative!
When i asked him what happened all he said was, the toucan... the toucan... over and over again.
we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
So my date night ended with us watching porn with his roommate.
He apologized for his naked psychotic episode and then we had goodbye sex on his sailboat
You know what I'm hearing? Blah, blah, blah, I have pneumonia, blah, blah, blah, I'm a quitter. COME OVER AND PUT YOUR PENIS INSIDE ME.
I feel like I'm going to get the reputation of being the girl who brings her dog with her to all her random hookups.
Strip clubs it is bday boy. One condition. I am in full custody of your ID. I plan on being in no condition to coordinate rescue operations and we need to keep casualties to a minimum. You cannot be trusted.
Alright goddamnit. Can I bring my pirate hat?
I insist.
I might be the strongest willed bouncer ever. Earlier tonight a girl flashed me trying to get in. I just replied "Sorry I'm gay", she believed me and left.
Should I get the rainbow boxer breifs???
As your boyfriend, this is a level of gay that even I can't handle.
He couldn't give me an orgasm, but he did give me a UTI.
I made the antidote to the nasty cognac. I AM THE GOD OF MIXED DRINKS.
Yeah totally passed out in their trash can last night.
Like how do you live your life and have never made a grilled cheese? The audacity of some people
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