So he thought it would be a nice gesture to show me his list of girls he fucked. There was 70. We then went through and put "V"'s next to all the ones that were virgins...
you kept telling everyone that you were the mayor of silverware town
I only knew it was midnight because i got happy new years texts while i puked outside
Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
We name dropped you at the liquor store and got a ten percent discount!
Thanks for not stopping me when I decided to call my mom at 2 in the morning to ask her where I was born
Dramatic love triangle! I guess mystery Asian and I will just have to fight it out for your love.
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
His hands kept asking for sex, but all I could think was "dude, this is going to ruin my high".
He came over apologized for his lack of sexual skills. Cleaned my kitchen cooked me dinner. And gave me another one minute stand. I think im okay with this
Ultimate cock block. About to have sex and your mom calls you so you can go help your grandmother figure out how to vote for the voice on her iPad
I want to have sex with Will Smith. I guess I have a thing with 90s sitcom stars. Stamos, Joey Lawrence, John Goodman.
Fuck the library it's too quiet and makes me uneasy. I feel like I'm so isolated I should take off my pants or something
Im riding the bus with beer in one hand and chapagne in the other. I love weddings.
I just remembered something from last night. check your closet.
Randomize
