She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
I definitely didn't wake up this morning thinking "i wanna get gang banged today"
we got hammered off table wine and i ended up biting my acrylic nail off so i could finger his butt.. ill never look at valentines day the same
Its 6am and I'm sitting on the couch watching Clifford. Crying into my risotto because emily elizabeth helped the girl in the wheelchair get over her stagefright so she can win a trophy. Never drinking alone again.
Well he has that kind of carefree attitude that comes from a big penis
PS- I just ordered a two man zebra costume. Would you like to be my back end?
adding to the list of how to lure in freshman boys: take dogs for a walk, yell at them from across the street, sit on the curb at 3 in the morning sobbing
him being a republican bothers me way more than his coke problem.
OMG. Dad just threw a 100 dollar bill down on the table for a girl to lift her shirt. I think he was kidding, but...
I've gotten 2 singers numbers, a 6'5 dude has promised to take me to Oktoberfest, and I spent the night w a pilot named Zeus who looks like caramel tastes. Also I sprained my thumb punching some guy I named 'hater'. I love Nashville
We got stuck in traffic in the tunnel while we were smoking weed. We were afraid to air out the car.
OMG I WAS JUST THINKING ABOUT HOW OUR FRIENDSHIP IS SO REAL BECAUSE I SHOW YOU DICK PICS AND WE LAUGH TOGETHER.
What's goes good with Everclear?
Pepto-Bismol and a sandwich.
I got a gay guy to motorboat me. These tits could change the world, I'm telling you.
I WILL go to space. And if we find aliens I WILL fuck one. It’s the Marine Corps way
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