I can't disclose who, but one time I called someone, they didn't pick up, and immediately texted back 'will call later, masturbating'
I thought that was really considerate
we made a giant pot of alcholic jello. i filled a gallon bag and brought it to dorms. desk guy gave me weird looks, he doesnt realize this is how i will pass all of my room searches
remind me not buy ky at kmart ever again. Had to get a manager to open the locked case. then he stood there and watched me look through the selection
I hate that ur telling me this.
She was wasted. Kept yelling "what if I'm pregnant" and trying to push me into the tree. First and last time I bring a girl to my family christmas party.
i chipped my tooth tryin to cut thru her pantyhose. that stuff is bulletproof.
4 am. She strained the mac and cheese onto her legs. She has no skin.
Although, to be fair, I am both willing and going to lick marshmallow fluff off of your dick.
she has an amazing ass but I need more beers to get past her horse face. It works out perfect becauseI can use her teeth as a bottle opener.
she looked at me completely serious and said "orgasms are 15% Stronger during a hurricane" and started to take all her clothes off
Seriously, I woke you up with tacos, I think I deserve the best girlfriend ever award
He asked if I could ever take him seriously, I told him I just like his doggy style.....needless to say I snuck out after an awkward cuddle session... I wont be calling him at 2 am anymore.
...there was a woman in the stall next to me in the Walmart bathroom having a massive bowl movement and whispering "I'm sorry" over and over
I have to shave my legs first. I'm afraid tiny woodland creatures will fly out if he tries touches them.
WE HAD GREAT SEX AND I HATE MYSELF FOR IT
Dont... please don't. Don't fuck him on his bean bag bed
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