I've come to the conclusion that as a grad student I would much rather prefer to get laid then get drunk
I think you know full well that a few years ago my stance was the polar opposite
Ur keys r in ur purse. ur purse is on the couch. ur cigs r on ur front seat. u drank all ur wine. mollie took ur jkt bc u cockblocked her. and in case anyone asks, the saints won 31-17.
i knew it was time to leave when he woke me up only wearing pooh bear oven mitts and holding a plate of thank you pancakes
It totally doesn't make me a groupie if I hooked up with him before he was in the Olympics
Dude. The walls are totally staring at me right now. I told you this was a bad idea.
you have no idea the dirty thing i want to do to your blad spot. please wear my vagina as a hat.
Come find me, I'm the girl sitting alone in taco bell at 9 in the morning drinking concealed beer with a straw
It's been hot as balls outside. It's like getting tea bagged by the Sun.
So that's all you want from me. Easy ass.
And an everlasting friendship
Malibu has added tequila to its rum. It's like when two beautiful gaybies come together an spawn a unicorn that only cries jellybean tears.
Biggg time. I found 2 empty packages of extenze in my car this am.... not sure what that was all about
Once you jizz in someones hat, you cant take it back.
Sorry I peed on your ottoman
The magician guy on probation is here at the bar. I'm gonna get him to show me a trick
HAPPY BIRTHDAY I ATE TOO MUCH OF AN EDIBLE AND TOLD MY BARISTA I LOVED HER
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