D3 body, D1 cock
Molly wanted me to tell you, "she hasnt shit on the floor in a while" like she thinks its an accomplishment.
dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
"Shots" has been nominated for a grammy. Now all of the US has sunken to our level...
He's a good guy, we stopped by his old church.
And you didn't burst into flames?
No way. Our relationship is based solely on texting and sex. A phone call would be too much at this point.
Judging by the hole in the wall by the door, the mis-matched shoes by the door, and the door hanging off one hinge... i'd say he's on the loose.
do you remember the combo for the lock to my pants?
Delete that photo of me. My ass looks WAY to good it in to be on Facebook for everyone to see. You gotta earn that shit.
I wish I could remember her name, I mean we fucked and all, but it woulda been nice to tag her in the instagram pics.
It's been two days. I am still burping up jello. Everything tastes like jello. Everything smells like jello. I am DONE with jello shots.
So i walked around campus drunk and alone last night eating pizza and a lunchable from 7-11. Sat by the flag pole and drank an entire liter of water, took off my shoes to prance around in the fountain, then stepped in dog shit on the way home...barefoot.
Well, I guess my plans of staying around the apartment and drinking my weight in boxed wine are ruined. I have a date tonight.
I'm a shining star this evening. Dancing with a cane in rite aid now. I should be kept under survaillance.
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
Randomize
