In these economic times, linking arms taking tequilla shots with your boss as an underage girl is the best job security I can think of
It was like his mom forgot to breastfeed him and he was making up for lost time.
You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
ah tequila...
he came on my stomach, took his sock off, wiped it up, put his sock back on along with his shoes and left.
I'm really debating making a second facebook. Same name only with DRUNK at the end. That way I can keep the guys I only talk to when I'm drunk on that facebook and only go on it when im drunk.
i'm going through an 80s music phase. and by phase i mean i will only have sex to white snake
I'm not drunk enough to eat silly string
My pussy is making all kinds of justifications that my mind would have no patience for if it was still in charge
I know he's not here, but I can still see him. I found some of my old stash and its good shit so its expected to see sunlight at night and scary llama men. Midgets or otherwise.
I want my birthday to be like the hunger games where all the contenders for my vaj have to fight each other off to win the prize
Can I have the second place winner?
Like I'm getting finger banged and my family is making cookies in the kitchen. Talk about terrifying
On Tinder, guy asked me if I had ever been fucked by a Pokemon master. Needless to say I didn't respond.
Why did I wake up to a snap chat of myself drinking beer out of a blender?
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
Keep your fingers crossed. If I get to go to a Stanley Cup game I'll give you the blowjob he deserves for taking me. Because hes definitely not gettin it.
Randomize
