well if you came here i would keep you awake :*
did you just kiss me??? ... dude, im not gay
His internet searches, listed chronologically: sex slave, volunteer sex slave, lava
Thanks for ditching me last night. I got a ride home from the Dominos delivery guy. You owe me 3 large pizzas.
So the girl I hooked up with last night pretended to be from Comcast when my girlfriend stopped by this morning. She even made a fake appointment to check her internet. Best hookup ever.
Chelsea passed out in the kiddie pool. Just added around 28 boxes of jello powder. Will let you know how it works out
Come down. You're the next contestant on this bowl.
Then you started screaming that this was the first time you did e and that you had a 4.8 gpa, that was right before you almost suffocated between that one girl's tits.
I'm too stoned to come over for sex
Yes that is a Krispy Kreme doughnut on my cock
I'll be right over
Got done with class, now I'm buying MD 2020 with the ex. Sure feels like college.
so i woke up at six am and his bathroom was flooded. i think i fucked shit up in my sleep.
I shouldn't have that kind of responsibility when the prospect of being high is readily available. All I could do was hula hoop and smoke cigarettes last night. My remembrance of anything important was out the window.
He's not very smart so he didn't know I was yelling at him with monologues from Scandal.
For not being a nurse or a sex worker I have seen an alarming amount of penises.
I had sex on a seadoo on the middle of the lake lastnight
Don’t get me wrong—I love silver and bracelets—but handcuffs are not a good look on me…
Randomize
