I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
Just ate lunch with a paperclip again. Seriously, need to invest in plastic forks.
All i remember as you were making ramen is that you kept slurring "i like you as a color"...
My friend just ordered a beer and poured it on the floor in celebration of open bar night
He sent me a picture of his dick with a cowboy hat on it.
If for no other reason than to cuddle with that puppy, you have to hook up with him again.
It was the night of "what the fuck have you done with my daughter and where is she" texts from mom...
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
So I was bartending last night and this guy w/ his gf said that he recognized me, so I asked him, "do you watch a lot of gay porn?"
Thank you for caring about my cervix.
I just singed the hair in my nose trying to re-light a joint. now all i can smell is burnt hair. day ruiner
Let's go. I'm waiting for my time to shine among the stars of never never land. Make sure you bring my Peter Pan costume this time. Shit's bout to get real glittery.
Full body rubs, head scratches, foot rubs, massages, a penis that is able to get hard whenever you want it. I mean ive got a lot to offer
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
I would give away three of my own ribs to be able to eat myself out.
...ew
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