Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
who the fuck tagged pancake nipples on my profile picture?
i turned job hunting into a drinking game..
well when i got there she was attempting to stick the cat in her mouth.. so maybe you should go check on her
I have more bruises, scratches, and overall soreness from my birthday weekend than my car accident.
He took me to the bathroom in the gay bar to "just cuddle." Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice...well...
Theres a picture of you hanging up on the wall in mcdonalds, i'm impressed
No need to call an exterminator, the ants overdosed on the leftover lines on the counter.
Have you seen Dave? He's not on top of the bar anymore but I found his shirt.
The neighbors outside are screaming at one another about God knows what and everyone is too scared to go outside and we NEEd more beer
GET OVER HERE. HOTTIE ALERT
^^^This is why you should have charged your phone prior to going out.
Currently hiding in the shower from the RA and my elbow turns it on. Showers and Ciroc don't mix..
I mean, "boo" isn't the appropriate response to someone dying...
I just want some dick and chicken fingers please advise
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
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