I walked in on my roommate finishing watching something on his computer. There was cum all over his screen. He awkwardly said hi and pulled up his pants.
I need a creepy friend to scare off the other creepy people
I would be honored to be that friend.
It was like watching Stephen Hawking try to swim.
She literally called herself a shamefully bad decision. Of course I slept with her. Best bad decision ever
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we are playing family charades. my sister pointed at me. everyone guessed alcoholic.
i had to get the starbucks manager to open the bathroom door for me...you passed out on the floor, the things i do for you
my boss told me he would look for my wallet when he went back to the strip club tonight.
This milkshake tastes better than sex. Priorities, I have them.
of course! give me a few hours to recover from chugging a 4loko out of a frisbee, and it will be rage time yet again
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I hope you enjoy this collage I made of you and me getting fucked up together
Sitting in my kitchen at 3am, craving dick and eating peanut butter instead. I'm not sure how I feel about being 27.
You need to somehow incorporate the phrase "these hoes ain't loyal" into your best man speech.
He has great taste in girls. I feel closer to my Eskimo sisters than my real sister...
You know, finding my first grey pube at 34 is FAR more distressing than finding that first grey hair at 13.
I DO NOT FUCKING WANT OR NEED THIS INFORMATION!
My vagina knows your penis is sad about Andrew Luck. You should come over and let her comfort him in his time of need
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