Yeah, i think she was German or something.
No dude, she's just got a speech impediment.
he thought he was parachuting out of a plane... talk about a bad trip.
Just got back from my 9:00 am class to find my roommate soaking her lifesaver gummies in vodka so she can have them for a snack in class later.
Is my lip ring still in your hair?
She said "I feel like I haven't reached my full potential" and I couldn't figure if she meant in life or with the weed..
I imagine it like the scene in Sorceror's Stone, but instead of flying keys, it's flying dicks.
That is a dream.
I just made some sangria and taking a roadie on my stroller walk around the hood! Parenting at its finest
Just went grocery shopping with a vibrator in my purse and didn't even realize it. This is what Saturdays are made for.
New low: uploading my contacts into Facebook in an attempt to get the name of the girl I brought home last night.
I don't know. Seeing the vagina stretched out beyond normal proportions is like watching your favorite superhero die.
That butt dial turned into a booty call.
a day off where I don’t get laid would be worthless
wow wtf man i was the friend bailing you out of jail with 500 cash and you didnt have the common courtesy of waking me up for class when i passed out drunk and naked in the bath tub
Oh man. I threw up in the first cab. Got kicked out. Roamed somewhere for awhile. Fell asleep in the back if the second cab. Woke up in my underwear on the living room floor with a frozen pizza (thawed) laying next to me
I wanna print it out and hang it on the fridge like parents do with good report cards.
oh the joys of a picture of a negative pregnancy test
Randomize
