Spotted: forty year old in red dress, cigarette in hand, squatting to pee by railroad tracks. Hello future.
Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
apparently it's not kosher to shit in a litter box when there's a line for the bathroom
How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking.
Why is there not a 'day after acid' genre. Or even a pandora station or something.
If I remember who won the superbowl tomorrow morning.. I think I'm just going to quit drinking. There really won't be a point anymore
Also, drinking coors light. Fuck that. Fuck that in the fucking face.
You know its good night when theres makeup smears on the toilet seat
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
that's all we do, eat and hve sex, eat and have sex. he thinks it's bad and that we need to talk more or whatever but I'm just not seeing the problem...
Real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch buck Rodgers in Tuesday.
Jesus Christ you're perfect.
There is naked swordfighting and something green and alcoholic going on in the basement. COME. OVER. NOW.
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
No judgement. Sometimes you gotta twerk on a legends face.
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