I wonder what a non-hungover friday at work is like
pre-gaming in the library. just gonna keep going until i'm too drunk to keep working and then i'll be there.
you went over to those random dudes and told them you were an ordained minister and would like to bless their food. they laughed and agreed, then you said "now bow your heads in prayer" as soon as they did you grabbed a taco off their tray and bolted out the door.
Dear America, sometimes I miss your Everclear and its consequences.
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
We were so drunk that when I broke the bottom off a pint glass we decided to make it into a candle holder. How does that happen?!
When they send me to rehab, I'm screaming your name down the halls.
drinking right out of the bottle and nobody bats an eye.
its good to be home.
yeah I woke up in jail with two different shoes on and neither of them were mine
Would it be weird if I bought knee pads and shin guards to fuck in my car?
After last night I never want to be in the back of a cop car again. No leg room.
The minute he showed me his Mumford and sons tattoo is the minute i could literally feel my pussy dry up
And then you screamed, "I JUST WANNA POUR MAPLE SYRUP ALL OVER HIM AND RAVISH HIS BODY!!"
I think the cop who arrested me yesterday is at my gym rn should I say hi
I blame her lesbian super powers of coercion.
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