I have a deodorant stick dedicated to my balls.
im so drunk with asians
where?
always
Nothing says "You're all grown up now" like setting up your 401k with shitty underwear.
He said "ride me pocahontas" while I was on top of him last night
woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
I can't even tell you how many rave sticks I tore apart with my teeth last night.
He was rocking just a diaper, shoes, and a gun. Sadly, I would still hit it.
SORRY BITCH CAN'T, TAKING SHOTS TO WHITNEY HOUSTON.
You ever fart so hard while you are asleep that you wake up screaming?
She posted a pic of her bf on ig wishing him a happy bday at midnight. She then proceeded to have sex with me. Who is the bday boy again?
The dominatrix coworker is currently listening to pop music that has been translated into an Irish dialect and sung by high school kids. Every day gets weirder here.
He was simultaneously rubbing my shoulders and fucking me. I'm keeping him.
You're emotionally mature, right? I said you were.
I have at least four things in my line of sight that have Kermit the Frog on them in my dorm. Does that answer your question?
its official, you're fucking me on my lunch break. the only thing I want in my mouth is your dick. pick me up at noon.
want fries with that?
Did you guys just have three hour sex? You both stopped and restarted texting me at the same time
If I were to say yes, would we still be friends?
Randomize
