i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
I cant find my shoes, my wallet, or my keys, but i know where your sister is.
Someone's playing Limp Bizkit out loud on the train. I think the decade reset it self.
my dad is going to jail this weekend
where are we going to get our weed from?
I think he just gave me the 'I used to fuck your sister' discount
I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
He poured all of the vodka into the sweet tea and said that tomorrow it would be called 'surprise drunk.' then we had sex.
He's yummy.
HE'S GAY. AND 40.
Irrelevant.
He can spot Burberry from half a bar away. He's not into vag
Happy 4th. Did you guys get your syphilis thing taken care of?
Her neighbors? They're nice. Young family. Tried not to get puke on their side of the lawn.
He blacked out and wouldnt drink anything unless he funneled it, so I made him funnel water
Why is it pressure? I want to see your cute face and possibly sit on it. You make it like its a bad thing.
nothing like a long car ride to make you think of all the bad things you've done
And then I was like pick your blow job song and he choose the sonic the hedgehog theme song. If he's not the one no one is.
Randomize
