I'm really into asian looking animals
ive never been so in love with another man before, in a totally none sexual way... no homo
I introduced my face to asphalt last night. They didn't get along.
You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
i want you to know that after i type the word "your" , vagina is next on my auto correct text
she always winds up in the cupboards its nothing new.
I had to stop mid sex to take my turn on words with friends so he wouldn't get suspicious. Hookup of the night helped me. We won.
don't tell me about being eco-friendly. i just threw up in the same bag i bought my liquor in. RECYCLING
She is larger then a hippo. You could cut her open in the middle of a blizzard and crawl in like Luke skywalker. Throw a couch and a tv in there and you're set
he congratulated me on my ability to grow long hair after pulling it to see if i had extensions
Seriously, I look like I crawled out of a bog. Succeeding at being as undateable as possible.
Speaking of church, everyone showed up to lunch in the dining hall in their Sunday best and I walk in looking homeless bc I just got out of bed. I hate this school.
As he was going down on me, I looked over his shoulder and said "ohh a Christian mingle commercial is on"
One day I'm gonna have to send my roommate a "sorry I got high and forgot you were in the room and masturbated next to you" fruit basket
Randomize
