Dude, it's gettin so bad even my fantasies just wanna be friends.
The walk of shame is slightly more complicated when you wake up in the wrong country...
Listen, I'm 30. If it doesnt involve a super soaker and some chicken wings, you can count me out.
ha so i just found a picture of you eating paper towels and many of Laura freaking out from it.
and i was just like oh shit i'm getting felt up by a 15 year old
Why do I only have half my beard? My chin is so naked...
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
I'm driving while wearing hulk hands
I agreed not to hook up with any randoms while she's on vacation, if that isn't a show of good faith then I don't know what is...
I'm thinking blowjobs and wheelchair sex should be part of any post-injury wellness plan.
Seriously can I go through one convo where masturbating doesn't come up
She flashed them and they let her pay with Monopoly money. I'm married, so it is your obligation as my best man to repeatedly fuck her for me
I'm so drunk. Liken realign drink
Like really drunk?
Or did you enjoy repositioning your drink?
Wake up. Eat bread. Find your dignity. Don't be late for work again.
My life is in shambles. Just made a grilled cheese in the microwave on a hot dog bun
Randomize
