Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
kindergarten is hard when you're hung over.
My recently uploaded pictures to facebook: Me partying on Beale St. with a single girl on each arm. Ex's recently upload pictures: Several pictures of cats. I win.
Now that I'm 21, I feel like I'm letting North Dakota down by not being drunk everyday
like a sex slave...but with a better dental insurance plan
oh my god. separately texting an Allie and an Ally while drunk is hard, and I'm climbed 1/2 way up a bridge pier.
I have a date tonight... Like a real date... Not the kind where you just go over to his house and have sex and then never speak again.
A nice make out session never hurt anyone. Plus he's a pilot, so he'll know the safety procedures for when the night crashes and burns.
You cant come. You're a Colorado native who drinks Bud over Coors. Fucking homegrown terrorist.
When was the last time you made a good decision when you could've made a shitty one
I had a salad today
Screwed a girl without a condom but hey at least you got your veggies
There is nothing quite so pathetic as sitting in bed in your underwear eating easy mac in complete silence, waiting for Netflix to load
Done deal I'm dying it right at this moment. I'll need a red Speedo and a half shirt that is extremely tight. Like nipple tight.
I'm too old for chlamydia. That's for 20 year olds who go to clubs and do drugs I've never heard of.
Well, he didn't buy me a birthday present but he sure did give me chlamydia so there's that.
Your girlfriend agreed to a threesome, I saw dogs in a bar. It seems life is falling into place for us
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