you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
i'm in his phone as sushi coochie
either my laughing turned him on, or he wanted to shut me up. either way, i dont care. it was amazing.
I'd give my left nut to see you
don't do that. I like the set
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just looked up how to break up with someone nicely on google. glad to know im not the only one who looks up this shit.
he came over wasted, used the bathroom, drank some water, and fell asleep holding my hand. what kind of a fuck buddy does that??
about to get into a hot tub with three cops. this cant go well
Just threw up in nordstroms while shopping for moms bday with dad. He distracted workers for me. No more tequila
There is a mosh pit in our kitchen. You better hurry.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i asked the cop if we could stop and do a chinese firedrill.... he said no.
Wednesday is my day of reflection and making my dick and balls into shapes. So i'll be pretty busy.
I don't know what's worse. The fact that my biological mother is an unwitting bigamist, or the fact that my half sister is trying to seduce my girlfriend.
He literally had a Trump sign in his front yard. I just can't now.
What is your friends name that I hooked up with? ....I think j found his credit card under my bed
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
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