i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
Well i then put my mattress in my closet and am currently on it. This is a new one.
Excused from finishing the term project because my lab partner got arrested. For the second year in a row. Public school, I love you.
Just had a flashback of you announcing "your nipples aren't that big for the size of your boobs, I've seen them"
while we were making out your friend starting kissing my toes and all you had to say was "just go with it"
You scratched my dick last night. It deserves an apology and I fell that actions speak louder than words when it comes to apologies like this.
The sun is so bright. Whhyyyyy. EYES ARE DEAD.
You told them that the brownies were safe, and then pointed to a passed out Ryan and said "see?"
I also got a mission for you and you're gonna love it. Biggest. Hospital. Party. Ever.
2013: the year of legs covered in hair and pregnancy scares.
Like, I want sex but I also would be okay with Netflix
Was I drunk or did Alex not show up with 100 rainbow Jell-O shots?
I shamewalked barefoot this morning and the Dos Equis delivery guy judged the shit out of me.
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
Shit day. Some kids decided to open my car at 3 AM while I was at work and the alarm went off. I went after them with a sword but they were minors so I didn't kill them.
Randomize
