Dude WTF? His teammate just started talkin to me on fb! Am I walking around with a "I like to f**k gators" on my forehead?
No, it just says ur easy
that shirt you're wearing that says "officially single" makes me think you'll be that way for a really long fucking time.
i had to do the walk of shame dressed as a leprechaun. I have never been more proud of my irish roots.
you just used a box of cheese-its to get into the bar
I woke up to her vacumming the grass
I just got over my period in 3 days...I believe that is god's way of saying "go fuck an amazingly attractive Italian boy on vacation"
So on how many levels of wrong is it that I'm reconsidering my divorce simply because I don't want to go through getting used to shitting around someone again.
DOWN HORMONES. BACK.
I think the closest to heaven you can get in this world is your morning dump after a night of Molly
Making cookies for neighbors. Spill beer all over dough. Bake anyways. From good neighbors back to the shitty college kids next door in under 3 seconds.
He is peeing inside and sticking up for himself. Those are two of the four signs of the apocalypse.
Downloaded the Pocket Penguin app. There are now penguins living in my phone. Technology is wonderful.
We broke into her grandpa's pool at 2 am and I held my underwear out the window on the way home.
I'm in too deep with Breaking Bad. I realized I've altered my Tinder likes to people that either look like Jesse or work in a school's Science department.
As a plus, I've lost 5 pounds in two days, so "party all weekend" is officially a valid diet plan.
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