I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
I think a girl in front of me glued an ugg tag to a weird pair of boots.
never trust anyone who drives a pt cruiser.... write that down
Things I can say. There is a photo of me pouring whipped cream into a midgets mouth.
Last comment. I know of no exercises, diets or practices out there to help keeping balls young and healthy. They simply succumb to gravity.
Came so hard my ears popped. This lovely piece of news and pissin in my driveway brought to you by rum
In my defense, who let the drunk girl run around with a sack of broken glass unsupervise?
I'm just trying to find the strength to put my bra back on and come inside
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
So we decided we're going to stop having sex...except for tonight. And probably tomorrow.
I just started talking about how noodles were so good
My prof handed me back my essay on Lesbians in literature, gave me an A and then we had sex in her office. Told you she was gay.
I’m mid 4sum and you’re sending me photos of your cat. We had very different evenings.
Imp drunk. It'd free popcorn tuedday I love life.
Randomize
