You're my favorite asian/girl I've met here.
You're ridiculous
Your hot
so the sex was amazing up until the point where she said "wow, you're even better than your dad!"
dude thats like the second time shes peed on the couch at a party. we cant invite her anymore
you made sure to tell everyone that the amount of people you had slept with was actually quite low, especially when the size of your breasts was taken into account
You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
He just did blow off my nipples. He's not serious about his girlfriend.
walmarts paint section shouldnt be open at 3am
Stop banging my friends. This is getting weird.
Stop being friends with hot 18 year old girls.
He was sleeping, but the way he was made him look like an adorable, fuzzy penis
Looking through last night's sexting, realized one is a haiku..
I took it upon myself to take one shot of tequila to have an excuse for hitting on my not-single coworker. It worked.
He tried to make small talk to hide the fact that he was struggling to unhook my bra... at least he tried right?
He sent me a picture of his dick as a snake, I'd say things are going great.
I'm in the Sheetz parking lot waiting for dad to finish a drug deal.
She blew me while I watched the jets game and the hardest thing was deciding what to focus on more
Randomize
