The ratio was 19 to 1 and the 1 was lauren so it didn't even count.
if you count grabbing my crotch as an introduction then yeah i got a couple of those tonight
He said he wanted to see my room, not my womb. It's a common mistake.
I told my mom about how you got white girl wasted and sobbed about Whitney Houston. She sends her condolences.
tell her thanks so much
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I slipped on a piece of pizza last night and when the bouncer helped me up I told him the garbage can pushed me.
The ketchup exploded, and totally splooged his face and the wall. You could see the outline of his head in the wall splatter.
I just sent a snapchat of my boobs for Adderall. It's finals season.
She was two things I dont understand: tall and Christian
And my parents said I crawled through the house
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So the pizza place just called me after an hour saying they don't have dough
I can see their wedding vows now: 'Til basicness do us part
i smell like vinegar and tequila i can feel the old people behind me judging
so at target i bought condoms, on sale undies, pasta roni, and martini mix. the old lady who rang me up asked "honey are you a freshman?" yea lady i am, thanks.
I forgot that I'm high because of how high I am.
i love how you, my friend, sends me a picture of herself wearing a shirt that says "i am dead inside" and i'm just like "awww baby you're so cute"
that's just solidarity
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