my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
i'm trying to reconcile what i did last night with who i am as a person.
would you consider him our boss?
technically yes
then technically i slept with our boss
I just got an email from a bridal website with the subject "Countdown to your Wedding Day"... is 11AM too early to drink the rest of the wine we have?
he must have thought the song was "ejacuate on the dance floor"
It has to be really easy to get midgets drunk.
Found her. Shes unconscious up against the room door. Her credit card is in the keycard slot
I want him to come over and snuggle with me but put a bag over his head. Is that rude?
It's not rude if you use a pillowcase that's softer.
His roommate left already and took the beer pong table so we had to take off his bedroom door. Maybe res life won't notice.
You wrote me a check. For zero dollars. For my soul. Dick.
How will you ever teach your dogs to pee outside when the biggest puddle on your bedroom carpet is from you?
I guess the wine stains on your shirt and the $2 vodka tonics you're sweating out just scream, "Welcome to DC, please ask me for directions."
I'm having a funeral for my vibrator. Please be there. I need your dick for support.
What did you do with the dog when you went into the club?
coat checked
I thought I was drunk because I kept grabbing his arm instead of his dick
But then I realized it wasn’t his arm and that I was very lucky
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