Somebody spraypainted a transformers head on a transformer box..my life is complete
You are the sheppard guiding my vagina away from horrible decisions.
Then they all walked away with the drinks I bought them, and the fat one slapped me in the face. I left and my car had been towed. Worst night ever.
Is your answer to that text seriously a right parenthesis
Apparently my downstairs neighbors don't much appreciate it when I do drunk aerobics at 3am on a Wednesday...
We went to the casino to try to earn enough money to go to new Orleans comfortably. I'm already drunk. This is a horribly immoral start to summer.
I let that bitch know in no uncertain terms I was taking the coke dealer in the breakup
You tired to make us "vodka tacos". Which was just you dipping pitas in vodka.
Any good?
Well. FUCK YA. But that's beside the point
Do you think I shall pursue this journey to the center if the dick?
Judging by the ckaw marks on my back i'm gonna go out on a limb and say that blonde chick was a werewolf. A sexy, kinky werewolf.
Thinking of someone think of me while masturbating while I masturbate. & that's how the over thinkers do it ✌️
That amount of times your family has seen my boobs is getting ridiculous.
I'll have to start mass sending dong pics to get the recognition I deserve
School supplies are right next to the margarita mix at target. Its a sign
On another note, I kinda only wanna poop laying down now
Randomize
