Sorry you had to hear me puke. I didn't know I called you. Was it graceful?
I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
When the cops came you just told them you'd go to your time out corner.
For the love of God you used a 40 foot extension cord to bungee jump out the off the 2 nd floor
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
I just had a contest with the toilet to see who could hold their breath longest.
I won
Getting stoned and sitting front row in a legal class.. Not my best idea
BTW, you ever shave a dick into my dog, I'll cut you. I'll laugh first, but then I'll cut you
I have this vague feeling that I was involved in a dance off with a homeless man?
I stopped him mid keg stand to show him how cute my bra was...
almost just sent your mom a dick pic. almost.
Please don't try and hook up with one of your high school teacher's friends
IM FILLED WITH SANDWICHES AND SELF LOATHING
He gave me a brownie at the beginning of class and now I can't feel my face.
Must lick fork, like it's a DICK
Randomize
