I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
wow, so sex, not that great its like masturbating with a warm towelette, like the kind you get at a japanese restaurant
he is the anna nicole to my 90 year-old billionaire. i'm grateful that he's fucking me, so i'm buying him shit.
I almost punched the night nurse in her face. I woke up and she was standing over me.
i think i made a good impression on his friends wen i survived 55 cup beer pong
I know. My only sports are biking to buy drugs and running from the police.
First of all, I don't like eggnog. Second of all too much rum is all bad. And thirdly I'm not there to sit in your lap and pretend you are Santa and I've been a bad girl.
Like, what's the customary waiting period to hookup with your newly single ex that you never stopped hooking up with?
I never actually go in the club. I get in line, hit on a chick, and convince her to come drink all she wants for free at my house.
My wife climbed on top of me, fucked my brains out, and gave me money from the ATM. I'm living the dream.
And thanks to you I'm pretty sure I'm banned from every qdoba in south carolina. And cab company
I had to reschedule my trainer meeting so now I'm just here eating hot pockets
He just texted me asking for his shirt back and I said I didn't have it and then I ran into him 5 minutes later while wearing the said shirt
Sometimes I look at dogs and just thing about how it's weird we both came from wolves
Lay off the drugs kid
Think he has a gf
Yea that shit doesn’t necessarily stop me
Randomize
