Tell Heather sorry for burning her hair. Also for anything else that I may have done that warrants and apology. Anything after about 10pm is kind of hazy.
Dude, you posted a cap of a porn to survey if it looked like me. That's pretty certifiably creepy.
If they ask for a stool sample we r no longer friends.
if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
im vomiting on the 4th floor cause no one knows me there
Just found pics of us from Mardi Gras last year. Your boob job really is better than mine.
I definitely recall eating shredded cheese out of the bag while you were wearing that apron.
can we get together and have a vodka water gun fight? i need to get som intense excersise/alcohol
bad sex. bad bad bad. it was like trying to pick up an overcooked noodle with an empty pringles can. why do these guys always seem to find me?
I am honored my friend, to hold the decision of what enters your body
I posted her number in the m4m casual encounters area of Craigslist.
I guess her always saying "gay men love me!" will finally get put to the test.
Just woke up from a first date on the futon watching Arrested Development by myself, him cuddling another chick in his room. Simultaneously the best and worst one night stand in history.
Bonus: took me 2 hours to get home on the streetcar cause I spent my cab money on drinks for his friend last night.
I just bought emergency deodorant at Dominick's and put it on in front of a homeless man while waiting for the bus. He laughed and said 'girl, you a mess'. This is my life.
I just referred to our excessive fireball consumption as a team building exercise and everyone in group text agreed.
We're not alcoholics, we're a god damn team.
You ate all the burritos in sight....I cant take you to mexican restaurants anymore
Randomize
