As we walked into his room, he said welcome to the hurt locker. I should have left, but I love that movie.
She was kind of put off because I kept calling her baby my spirit animal and staring hungrily at her breasts.
oh god all I remember is forward rolls down the corridor and all I have to show for it is "fit Romanian guy" saved in my phone
I'm lying topless with an eye infection at the foot of my bed with a dog between my legs. With disney in the background. Its one of those 3 am moments
Last night we got home from the bar and saw a fox outside and we lured it in the house with a piece of cheese. Just wanted to party with some potentially dangerous wildlife I guess.
Like for real, is your junk ok? I have to look after my investments.
The condition was that I had to eat her out to Beethoven
His legs actually look hot in that dress. He might even make a better girl than Josh
Check 'smoke weed with our ihop waiter' off of our To-Do List
My Canadian brought me three bottles of maple syrup, a sunflower, and a pair of Oakleys back to the states...he's either drunk or he loves me
Seriously I can't get a booty call for some baked goods.
Let's go. I'm waiting for my time to shine among the stars of never never land. Make sure you bring my Peter Pan costume this time. Shit's bout to get real glittery.
That was the most spiritually awakened shit I have ever taken.
Is this making any sense, because I’m puking and trying to be Philosophical right now
Adulthood is putting your bongs in the dishwasher because you're too lazy to clean them manually.
Are you ok dude?
Randomize
