Driving out to Plano is like driving away from your twenties
I am NOT getting arrested in a batman mask
I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus... I need to get the fuck out of this town
Fuck. I just got my nipple tweaked by a plus size drag queen in a purple dress. I feel like I got molested by Grimace.
MASS TEXT: who ever dared Todd to suck on the Clorox wipes last night.. good goin jackass. you can come visit him, hes in room 266, AFTER hes done getting his stomach pumped.
HE DARED ME TO DARE HIM... DONT PUT THAT ON ME.
I think I'm still fucked. I can see the electricty going through the street car lines
I was giving a campus tour, when a drunk senior came up behind me and shouted at the group, "If Jesus ain't your homeboy - get the fuck off this campus!" Looks like his religion course is paying off...
I just heard my parents fuck. What. The. Fuck. My rooms right under theirs.. My dad barely even lasted a minute. Im almost ashamed..
You will never be paid again to get drunk and tell off cops without being arrested. Once in a lifetime opportunity
You're right. Fuck my job. I'm in.
As much as I enjoyed playing drunk half naked twister and talking about my daddy issues last time, I'll have to pass.
So after I fell off 4 times we concluded I'm not allowed to ride him anymore.
I just really wish I could go back and unsex him. Waste of my vagina.
Apparently my thong was thrown in the cornfield last night. No one will tell me why.
I'm pretty sure I regained my virginity last night
How do you teach a grown ass men how to fuck? Why is good sex so hard to find these days?
Randomize
