We're going on a mission for new porn. And ice cream.
just took my temp. 103. i wonder how tylenol and jager bombs are gonna mix
just had to make the 420 edibles gluten free and kosher for passover.
I think ppl see us as an unstoppable drunken force
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
Omg. I have a story to tell you later about that girl that just crawled on stage
His hands kept asking for sex, but all I could think was "dude, this is going to ruin my high".
Either I'm too drunk or she gave me a hand job to the rhythm of jingle bells.
Dude, did you know, your blood is contaminated with over 17 non-beer fluids?
My coworker's brand new computer showed up today. He's on vacation for the next week. Brian and I are installing Windows 98 on it.
If you send me one more .gif of that fumble, I will make the 10 hour drive just to set you on fire.
Tim is a child that you physically can't love because he makes it hard for you to even find anything redeeming about him so you debate leaving him forever at the gas station.
I had sex upstairs in my parents house, and my mom texted me and said "those raccoons are out of control in the walls."
you kept shouting 'jesus penis' when i was on the phone with 911
Making friends with the guy who had alcohol-infused whipped cream was the best decision I made all night.
Randomize
