why is it that everyone in pennsylvannia gets fucking prego??
She got subburned last week and her bikini ties in the middle...when I took off her shirt, there was a sunburned bow between her boobs. Like a present. Happy birthday to me!
im pretty sure your bra is in my room hanging on my shark pinata
i woke up completely naked except for a bottle of beer saran wrapped in between my boobs
I think I'm getting too used to throwing up in the reception trash can. It doesn't even phase me anymore
You missed lesbians having sex in the bathroom and the whole bar clapping for them. I had to do recon. It was amazing
Fortunately for myself I'm twice as smart and half as drunk as everyone else. All things considered I'm leaving here three-to-five times richer than when I arrived.
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
His grandma held his dogs so they wouldn't follow me out the door. It was like a whole new level added to my walk of shame.
I've found my spirit animal. I'm a Snapple bottle. If you take my top off I'll tell you a fact about science.
At the bar, some guy bumped into you and you screamed "hey, don't touch what you can't afford sunshine!"
She told me having sex was our civic duty. How can I not love her?
I think you are severely overestimating being able to get your lingerie back by posting the lyrics of Irreplaceable
It's days like today that make me happy I'm not a porn star.
I know her cup size but not her name....
Randomize
