Sorry, I have to go home and feed my nepotisms
Sorry, I can't talk, there's a herd of nepotisms headed my way
We have to go find her fucking car. She came home from a 80 dollar cab ride, no shoes, and all she remembers is its at a burger king on a street with an H in it
this kid in class is playing minesweeper and just slammed the desk because he lost. thank god were normal.
So I woke up today with someone's door knob in my pocket. I hope everbody else got out of the house ok.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Now one day I will be able to tell my children how a drag queen in a gay bar told mommy that bin laden was dead
I just had a vision of confetti exploding out of someone's vagina to the sound of air horns... I think that would be welcoming.
I like the way you think.
you can't tell me it's over and send me pics of you and your cat?
She just texted me that she's horny, then started quoted random music, then telling me everything she regrets. I don't think there's enough tequila in the world for me to deal with her...
Hello Officers/Paramedics, judging by last night, my friend is dead. The money in his pockets is mine, he owed me. Please send me directions to whichever morgue/strip club for pick up.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Was booty called last night and I was so blacked out that my roomie made me puke before going to "eye of the tiger." Why I'm still single is beyond me
I wasn't half as drunk as u but u were saying u were a "worm" and u tried to slither out of my grasp
He keeps asking the karaoke guy to play let it go from frozen so he can sing it in a falsetto
The cop told me I was the prettiest guy he'd arrested in a while. I'm still not sure if it was a come on or not.
I've slapped too many boys and done too many naked laps for it only to be 10:30pm
Guy just rode past on a lowrider bike smoking a blunt, I want his life
Randomize