I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
my mouth tastes like poor choices
Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
Heated debate on which is worse. Pissing your pants or puking all over yourself
Ive yelled into your vagina. There are few lines we haven't crossed at this point.
i look like a southern belle. however, i am around a million kegs. so i will be a southern shitshow.
Omg.....I raised my camera to take a pic at this presentation, and I wanted to zoom in, so I swiped my phone to the left and up pops my dick pic from last night.
I can't bring myself to turn around to see if pple saw it.
I literally used, "MY VAGINA IS TOO FANTASTIC FOR HIM TO STAY GAY" as a valid argument for attempting to fuck my gay friend.
I may puke in class so I'm excited to see how that goes
He has great stamina, he knows how to use his tongue, and he's hung like a goddamn Pegasus. I can overlook the man bun.
I think I hear the ice cream truck
I could be going crazy though
NO IT IS THE ICE CREAM TRUCK IT'S ALMOST AT YOUR STOP
well you did quote socrates while playing beer pong and then proceeded to fall down
he ended the message XOXO, who the fuck does he think he is GossipGirl.
no real plans this weekend. trying to derail the alcohol induced fucking hell train I've been riding for the past three weeks.
Randomize
