i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
It's my fault there's ramen coiled around his penis.
im wtih 32a right now bc 34d is on her period. now i know how girls feel when their hookups go from magnums to regulars
I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
did you find a tooth?
did you lose one?
Well my door is unlocked for you, I'll be in the bathtub drinking a pre-mixed bottle of margarita until I forget the degree to which my life sucks.
We should start a Help That Bitch Out Fund and split the donations evenly between you two.
All i'm saying is it doesn't matter how drunk you were, at 26 years of age you should always remember to take down you pants before you shit in the toilet
I don't see how I managed to fuck up so much shit in an hour and a half..
Due to your tardiness, I'm saving you my tab
Fun thought: I realized the thing I miss most about him is dixie kong's double trouble on his super Nintendo. It's possible that I don't have a soul.
Just walked by the neighbors and they are definitely butt naked sitting on a bed, watching Netflix, baked out of their minds, with the blinds open.
Welcome to Bellingham.
I accidentally flashed three cops last night. Stone cold sober.
Also, what day were you thinkin we should trip balls at the children's museum?
It was probably the most embarrassing moment of my life. But I had cleavage, so I'm good!
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