im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
Just puked on the beach. Hungover. In front of my parents. I love summer.
Best idea ever: Giving hobos a beer and having a chugging contest to win another beer. Most fun I have had downtown in a while.
Emergency need house key where r u I just got shit o n
He kept pouting and saying i cockblocked him and I kept yelling "I'm sorry...but the cock was never out to be blocked"
Can we skip lunch and do power hour sex time from now on? I'll let you eat nachos off my body if you really need the food.
If you happen to tell anybody my drunk story in the near future, please refrain from telling them about me shitting myself. People are getting the wrong idea and random people are messaging me on Facebook making fun of me for that
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
I actively tried geting in the guy's pants and ended up in the girl's. I'm bad at this whole straight while drunk thing.
Now you know my pain. Live with it. Own it. Recognize it. Cause its like shitting napalm.
Just found out my rents have been paying my siblings to cockblock me for the past 5 years
Not as covert as you thought huh?
Literally the fucking master of salvaging the possibility of a blow job whilst also crushing somebody's dreams.
Oh god it's open bar.
I am listening to my ipod while i puke, this is most entertaining hangover i have ever had.
Hahaha. I'm so high, this is gonna be so intense. Even the DVD menu scared the shit out of me.
Randomize
