is it wrong that I prefer my women with low self esteem and a smidgen of an eating disorder?
I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
you're wrong. we DID have sex last night. just ask your roommate. you seriously don't remember him asking to join us?
You know your in for a great weekend when you buy the booze already in crutches
I just sat there and watched paula deen's face melt for an hour.
I'm at the perfect height to walk up to the corner of my mom's stove and rest my balls on it. Just thought you'd like to know they're warm.
There are so many birds around me. And squirrels. I feel like that chick from Enchanted...but like if she had a dick and made poor life decisions.
I just found a list in your handwriting titled "Places I've Peed." The National Mall and 'under the second bridge after the bend in the road' are two of the tamer entries. I tip my hat.
I'm calling it the Friendlationship with Benefits Zone.
I ran into the bouncer who kicked me out of that beach bar a few months ago. I told him I'd only been thrown out of two other places since then. He was proud.
We got a kitchen table so we would eat together more. So far we've played drunken monopoly and had sex on it.
I told you that you should stop drinking and you responded "Thanks for telling me how to live, North Korea!"
Still alive. Just brushed my teeth with fireball.
You kept telling everyone that you were as sober as a camel. I have yet to figure out what that means
I just didn't expect to have anal in a retail store at 9 AM on a Tuesday.
Randomize
