She was wearing a "Got Beer" hat and your bed had necco wafers all over it the next morning. Another story for the grandkids.
I have a great idea. you just need to get pregnant.
Mother, no, i will not talk about this again. Please stop planning my unborn daughters life. I will not put her in pagents. That is trashy. Stop watching toddlers in tiaras. It is also trashy. I love you.
I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.
did she really put a helmet on, try to make a hole in the wall then pass out on the floor ten minutes later? if thats true ill be there in 15
Theres a picture of me with cut up clothes rolling in the policeman's lawn, I missed you, summer.
I think god is proud of me so he is rewarding me in discounted wine
Drunk in burger king. Having it our way. Free fries. M&m sundaes.
He always takes home straight guys. He plays One Night Stand on Ledgendary Mode
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
I'm trying. I feel like we're trying to have sex with fruitcake. dry and boring.
Would seriously like to slash his tires but then I feel like I'd have to deal with him longer.
I'm chasing my vodka with snickers.
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
At least your vagina gets to vagina again. Dust that thing off.
I'm just now realizing I've slept with guys from three different decades over the past year. That's gotta be some sort of record.
Randomize
