Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
zippers are such a cool invention
im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
For someone who "only drinks patron" your lack of pickiness with men alarms me
Girl next to me just ralphed in a bag. Congrats class of 2010
so apparently dipping a tampon in red gatorade and throwing it out the window on the highway is a $100 fine
he said 'i love fucking you, ashley'. it was the most romantic thing he's said during sex because he actually used my name.
I'm going to buy you a pony but under one condition: you have to name it sarah jessika parker
Everytime I sleep with him he gives me another hint to what his tattoo means. I'm like a slutty Nancy Drew.
i have rugburns grass stains and some road rash. im an all terrain slut
i think there mostly mad about the fact it was 6 pm not the fact i blew a .255
Just sharpening my eyeliner with a butterfly knife. You know. Typical weekday morning.
I just woke up from quarter beer tuesdays wearing 3 pairs of underwear, none of which are the ones I left wearing...2 Around my waist and one around my shoulder in an attempt at a bra. At least drunk me tries to be decent?
It took me half an hour to realize I didnt know them
I slept naked with a towel wrapped around my waist in case I pissed the bed again
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