Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before
She wasn't to happy when she went to put her shirt on and it was covered in cum I just looked at her and said collateral damage....
Travis is back on this booty and burgers thing. If I'm his delivery service for food he better fuck me how I want.
its amazing there are so many photos of me and him separately, since most of that party time was spent sneaking away to fuck upstairs...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Your heart is a swirling cauldron of blackness that does not pump blood but rather a sludgey mixture of evil and broken dreams.
My mom wants to know what to send you in a care package. She used cat emojis, so you know it's serious
My day in three words: secret purse cake
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
I also tried to hide a bottle of vodka in a build a bear last night so that something that happened in my life
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We ended up shitfaced at the house after the Super Bowl trying to get someone from Scientology on the phone.
I'm pretty sure the Bible says "He who is most sober may cast the first stone."
At one point in the night, as we were running from the cops, I clearly remember you yelling "little gnomes are tickling the insides of my body!" ...that high.
Great litmus test for what a useless adult you are: amount of shame you feel while eating a coffee cup of Fruity Pebbles
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
I refuse to take any type of advice let alone love advice from a motherfucker who is missing 3 fingers from a Fucked up masturbating accident.
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