Dude, this chick just tossed my salad hard. All that I could picture was a dog trying to get the last of the peanut butter out of the jar of Jiff and trying not to think of how grotesque my last dump was.
Then she tried to kiss me and I wouldn't and she got pissed off and went to sleep. Then about an hour later, her kid called her. She went home and on the way out I told her to wash her mouth before she kissed her kid good night. Weird night..
I bet a guy could be masturbating under the table now and people would just think he was clapping along.
flash back: i gave smirnoff to a group of children at walmart
How is it possible that i have sex with a guy and he makes YOU breakfast
She definitely pulled a diaper out of her purse and cleaned up the vodka with it, where do you meet these people?!
im almost positive that in mid thrust she told me she was pro choice
you started looking at my couch laughing and saying to it "she thinks I'm talking to you" then proceeded to laugh and talk to the couch some more.
How sad is it that I'm looking in the farm & garden section of craigslist to find a weed dealer. I mean, that's where they'd be right? Just gotta break the code.
I'm just learned what a rim job is, I feel like crying
Dude, I need a lifestyle change. I'm to old to be making out with chicks in foam parties, letting older chicks get all excited because I let them put their hands up my shirt, and running around doing scavenger hunts with 18 yr old chicks.
You're alright. You just passed out while we were having sex. Then I'm pretty sure you peed. So I went home.
We have to have sex twice when i get back. I miss you sex, and thank god the nhl lockout is over sex. I will happily let you wear your sharks jersey during it and i will wear my ducks jersey, and it will be mad rivalry sex.
I love when my neighbors have passionate, loud sex to remind me that I'm not getting laid
my ex logged me out of his netflix so im gonna fuck his bestfriend as revenge
I accidentally made jungle juice last night.
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