Well I left you a voicemail but you probably won't be able to hear it because my mic is fucked up. I think you need to come down here and take it in for me.
I hate this phone so bad I'm going to lose all of my friends because of it
Yeah...you probably will...
well, you're marked off my christmas card list for next year.
he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
if by 'bottleservice' you mean 'bringing beers in my purse' then yes, we are.
She wouldn't stop saying her own name. Like a damn pokemon.
Last night you tried to pee on my bed...in the hallway...your room...and the showers. When I finally got you on the toilet you passed out.
Both he AND his 17 year old son were hitting on me... I'm bridging generational gaps
my nick name has gotton too long over the years..C.T.P.S.G.F.P.G.......cock tease private school groupie frat party groupie.
Oh btw, that was a wonderful blow job. You did a good job.
FONT CPME TO THE TRUK. I REPATE SONT COME TO THE TRUCK WERE GETTON FRAEKY
Wait does semen show up on blood tests?
my roommate just said she thinks she got a flashback or some memory of me getting hit by a car.
We just broke into a lion king sing along. Understanding is not possible.
Gross! What the hell is that?!?
It's quite clearly a man posing erotically with multiple packages of bacon.
How does one take the "you're the best sex I've ever had but I'm marrying someone that's sub-par in the sack" mind fuck?
I pity the fool.
Thanks Mr T.
thanks for supporting my whoreish tendencies
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