What I'm saying is Afghanistan is America's sexually contracted disease.
He's the biggest piece of shit to ever exist. He's not even wearing shoes.
I've had enough of this chick, she wanted to cuddle after giving me a handjob. I feel like I'm in junior high
my boss made my mugshot into an 'employee of the month' poster.
Oh and you pulled your pants down outside in front of like five people, held my hand, then peed.
If I believed in "responsibility" and "having limits", I would probably say I consumed too much alcohol in the last 48 hours
there's a strong possibility i came on your eyeliner last night bathroom sex was unplanned and rather messy sorry
HELP A SISTER OUT. AND KEEP YOUR TONGUE OUT OF THE HUMMUS.
TOO HIGH TO FIGURE THIS SHIT OUT
Serious question: when you had my right nipple in your mouth, did my nipple ring have both of the balls on it, or was it missing one. Current situation: missing one.
She said if her future children dont have blue eyes she wont love them
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
Someone I just met told me they were going to name their kid after me. Daylight savings is weird.
As we have told you before, the first rule of hook-up bingo is we don't talk about hook-up bingo
Yes I’m serious. I just worked YOUR 12 hour shift on 3 hours of sleep if you come over without tacos and an ice cream cake in hand we are done
Moms passed out wet and naked in a rocking chair again....
Randomize
