i jhust puked up my retainher.
I am so high I am beginning to unironically like Vanessa Carlton.
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
You know why nobody comes up with Sober October? Other than it's Oktoberfest? Because Sober October doesn't benefit anyone, just like your judgment isn't benefiting me. I'll talk to you in November. Unless you make up another alcoholless month.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Accidentally peeing a little on the couch in the middle of a sneeze is way different from railing a random on our waffle counter. I am the better roommate.
Most men with as many freckles as you aren't vagina magnets. You are an exception to your kind.
He's in a nude suit, bald, with a pink headband and a black sharpie streak down his forehead.
Is it bad that I want a job purely so I can buy drugs with without feeling like I am sacrificing my future?
Why do you think I have a job?
Well I just found a coupon for cheese in the bathroom so I've got that going for me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm standing up, for my all my brothers and sisters, and fighting against whiskey dick.
Goodnight Shia. Goodnight Moon.
That’s true love. If they recognize a chocolate mold of your anus.
I love you.
Bad choice
Pooping to opera.
Apparently during my blackout I walked over to Troy, grabbed my crotch, and said “Eat Fresh” while his GF was with him. FML
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