My doctor literally wrote on the script NO SEX
Guess who just hooked up with the cop that fingerprinted her?
I met her at the liquor store. I hope I'm wearing a condom
You had me sold at "fucking you down the slide"
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
Me hangover (as projected). That sounds like a plan. Ill do it for Mexico
Quick how do you hit on a guy in the car behind you? It's important.
Def over. He sent me a nude selfie but cropped it right above his junk. Total Silence of the Fucking lambs looking.
Side note, i did some manscaping and now my farts sound way different
i think my cat just said my name.
Went to the lab to print and realized the guy next to me was the one we stole all the beer from last night..... Oops
I texted her that I burned my tongue drinking coffee so it hurt to talk or kiss... How many points do I get for doing her without talking or making out first?
Alcohol. Making me feel good about myself since 2008
It's magical, I'm just dancing. It's like prom but by myself and with less clothes.
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
Randomize
