Do you still have your period?
i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her
Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
This weekend was suppose to be a 'smoke weed and stare at things' weekend. Not a 'spend all my rent money partying with Europeans till 8 am' weekend
Yeah but those French chicks did get naked
Just saw a midget on a motorcycle. Best sight for a hangover ever.
There's a mechanical bull in the basement dude where are you
He was humming "here comes Peter cottontail" while unbuttoning his pants. Happy Easter to me
His balls are like really small, like dog sized balls. It was a weird discovery. Ever done a guy with dog sized balls?
When he pulled it out last night I asked if that was as hard as it was going to get. I think I may have offended him.
You don't understand!!! BACON ROSES!!! Why are you not more excited?!
MIDGETS
????
I agree and I would be an awesome dog
... why is there baby oil , black socks and frozen hot dogs in the sink this morning ?
I'm SO high. And there is so much pudding in this car
Granted, I did not plan to spend ANY hour of the last day of 2020 sober.
Randomize
