We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
my sex list reads like a who's who of mcdonald's general managers
Dude, just look at these fucking curtains and chill out.
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
He ripped off his shirt and tried to give me CPR. That damn bong.
We're pregaming our midterms. Also, when we get our tests back, we're taking a shot for every point we lost. If you're not in, you should just go ahead and transfer.
Couple of things: my nipples are blue and knowing that at some point I'm going to have to poop is incredibly terrifying
Everyone else in class agrees the weed smell is coming from me
Eh maybe I should give her a chance. Let's see where making a porno takes the friendship
I should become a firefighter. Who uses his cock to fight fires. Like a Superhero.
Netflix, eggnog, and bed? Maybe some hand stuff?
I keep finding granola in my bed. This is what I get for sleeping with a guy from Oregon.
Going through his web history. 10 hours ago he searched "how to put on condom with your teeth" I think I'm getting it tonight.
My roommate's overnight guest is screaming about the dog licking his asshole. I need a new place to live.
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
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