Package from mother. Contents: Cookies, my old pokemon cards, and condoms. Note: "These have a July 2010 expiration date so give them away or use them with a gal that would be a great daughter in law. Love Mom" Love you too momma
Just put a dog collar on someone's child.....was a great hit with everyone but his mom.......I think she hates me. I'm okay.with that
Sit down my child. It's time you were told of my famous loss-of-virginity story entitled, "The Penis that Never Could."
I'm sure we could make a ball of yarn and a nickel into a drinking game
I'm almost too hungover to function. Got into the wrong car by mistake. there was a rotweiler in it. Thank god he was more confused than i was for a minute.
I'm sorry I peed on the bushes at your law firm. Is there anyway you could defend me for the ticket I'm about to get?
Security has videotape of her blowing the boss against his car. Don't they know he entire parking lot is under video surveillance?
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
I would ride that face into the sunset
I need to stop acting like a porn star that isn't getting paid
Well shit I mean if you get a bunch of cashed up drunk lesbians together in a casino, it's bound to go south at some point
I'm going to talk him into letting me tie him up, and then just leave him that way and go meet you for fro-yo.
You're lucky I'm holding your vagina in my best interests
You almost got us killed.
YOU’RE WELCOME FOR NAVIGATING YOU TO A ONCE IN A LIFETIME EXPERIENCE.
sarah's view on last night: a threesome to make things less awkward. oh, well done.
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