i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
Decided to write a book called "girls don't poop and other myths I wish I still believed in"
i just walked by a road side game of beer pong? it's gonna be a long day
Just crossed the line with my beat friends girl twinsie. Didn't realize tillz afta how much the look alike and an thougholy creeped out. Thanks ciroc
just saw an anti-abortion rally outside of the courthouse...so naturally i tossed them out a coat hanger i found in my car
Just checked my bank account while shitting blood. Neither action felt good when I was done.
you were passed out snoring, face down with all your clothes still on and 20 minutes later you sat up and said "FUCK YES" and then passed out again.
Pre-game strategy: play thunder by yourself in the shower. Surprisingly, success.
That was the gentlest I've ever been bitten in the face by a dog
At the end of the night you handed the bartender a piece of paper with the word "VISA" written on it.
I made him sleep with a condom on and i passed out on the carpet with only a bra on.
I knew I was rolling hard when I realized I had been rubbing the couch for an hour
Rehydrating your liver back to life is never a good idea.
I just almost caught my floor on fire, then decided I could put it out with my knuckles! So I'm doing good!
I woke up under the kitchen table. Andy is cursing out Joe Exotic's name in between heaves in the bathroom. Jay is trying to sleep w/ a shirt tied over his eyes. Lena and Brad braved the sun to go get bloody mary supplies and food. I'd say the Tiger King drinking game was a success.
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