I just had the ultimate walk of shame. I'm barefoot, in his gym short with vomit in my hair and I walked half a mile through campus. At noon. Thanks for picking up ur phone
Ordered my mom Mother's Day flowers online and moved on to internet porn. Do you think this is some sort of Freudian slip?
he said he wanted to butter my pancake. i thought it was sexual, but he went downstairs and made pancakes. i need to stop dating fat guys.
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
We fucked then made friendship bracelets, his mother taught him right!
Omg I'm puking right now and then sneezed four times in a row. You don't know pain til this happens to you.
That and I was watching this life alert commercial and I'm pretty sure my liver turned up the volume for more information
Wait also totally unrelated but can horses sit down?
I just tried to picture one and I don't think they can cause I can't envision it
There's no discreet way to sneak a cucumber into the shower lol
SCOTCH AND CIGARS AT THE TITTY BAR. YOU ARE COMING WITH US.
if you want to know how my night is going I just ugly cried in the cheesecake factory
We need some Captain and Fanta. That shit will change your life. Sidenote, bring an IV drip to hook me to in the morning
I need to stop acting like a porn star that isn't getting paid
The last time I saw you, you were giving the stripper a lap dance.
I honestly have no desire to wear clothes around you
I have that affect on people
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