I got to work, greeted my staff, then went into the bathroom to throw up. Who hired me to run a business???
I think she kind of thinks she's better than us now ... please. I go to Michigan.
if i hear one more christmas song, i will fucking shoot myself.
i chipped my tooth tryin to cut thru her pantyhose. that stuff is bulletproof.
I bruise way too easily for the kind of rough sex I want...
Just think, if your stepsister would've gotten knocked up 2 years earlier, she could've had a TV show. What a bitch.
I just met his wife...she told me they have been having marriage problems and are spending his paychecks on marriage counseling...then she cried on my shoulder...NOW i feel like a bitch.
she had that "i just got used" look on her face when i kicked her out at 5am
how you manage to cockblock me from 500 miles away still baffles me.
Her stepmother interrupted our sex to tell her it was midnight and she wanted to do a sympathy shot for her 50th.
Don't break up.
I'm about to be a GTA V widow, he could at least throw me a bone. Literally.
He met a girl at a stop light and managed to give her his number while driving down the highway.
Why do I feel so obligated to masterbate just because I’m single and it’s valentines Day...
This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
Randomize
