that girl last night was a 15
wait she was 15?
no like black jack not sure if you should hit it
I just realized that when I walk away people probably say "wow she really has a drinking problem" and sadly it doesn't bother me.
Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
He booked his flight from Dallas already, no ticket to the game, said hes gonna bang some girl at tailgait to get a ticket, I had to explain that it will be sub 20 degrees F during tailgate, he decided to come in july instead, Texans are dumb.
Just used my cancer results to get a free lap dance. Great day just got better.
oh my god. were standing in the kitchen and were chanting "EYEBROWS" and shaving peoples eyebrows. I have work tomorrow and want to keep my eyebrows.
Just had a random flashback of you tickling some guy's nipple with your claw ring, and then him moaning and stripping in the middle of the bar. You give good memories.
I hope you get some kind or rare disease that makes your dick ties itself in a knot for fucking her you lucky bastard.
I think "we've never met sober" is a great relationship to have with someone
I've had sex to the movie Tommy Boy too many times to be acceptable.
You are in my phone as "Thigh Gap" and you apparently work for "DO NOT DRUNK TEXT, INC." That is why I called you six times last night. So unless you take a second job at "NO DRUNK DIALING LLC" expect more. PS I am sober so this is legit.
I'm cooling my balls with a beer because I'm too cheap to turn on the AC
Do you remember punching the light out in the bathroom? I didn't, and that was at bar 2 of 4…
did he think i wouldnt notice the naked girl in the backseat
Fuck your fuckin pumpkin spice. You and your subtle differences frighten and disgust me.
Randomize
