I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Doors?
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
you know what i hate about salt? you can't see it.
Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
you kept screaming i cant feel my vagina, it kinda killed the mood.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's officially time to start saving up weed money for the NCAA tournament
and honestly a story about how you met your future husband that DOESN'T include the words "creeped him on facebook" is really not a story worth sharing
we couldn't afford a big pool so we bought 2 kiddie pools and put the inflatable beer pong table inbetween. get over here. now.
It doesn't matter if I tell the story beginning to end or end to beginning, the story still starts with a random girl blowing me in the bathroom.
you were cooking a hot pocket with a grill lighter what did you want me to do
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You know i'm the father figure
Yeah the father who ate her out with me last night. Great dad
Doap. Just bring some lube and a slingshot. Not sure y we need the slingshot.
Just for once I'd like my first interaction with a new GP to not be an obvious sex injury.
I legit just swiped right with a Tinder feminist just to get in an argument with her. Soo that's my Friday night so far...
Ive realized that in order for me to understand math, my professor has to be hot.
We just FaceTimed and I put an Oreo in my vagina for him. Now he has to fly across the globe for me.
Randomize