Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
Oh shh
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
idk why but i just wanna to have sex with the idea of him. i don't even wanna meet him.
You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
she was mad because i didn't remember our fuckaversary. fuck buddies are getting too demanding..
I no longer question where these bruises come from... between the strip pole in the living room, the slipnslide in the hallway and our constant level of intoxication I will always be bruised...
He had a curved dick....must be a european thing
i'm just sitting here going through her tagged pics, covering up different parts of her face to try and figure out exactly what it is that makes her so ugly.
I got rejected. By another girl. At a red light. In front of seven shirtless cyclists in the middle of the night. How is that normal?!?
We had a 30 min conversation last night about whether or not to bone that girl with a lisp to see if she moans with one...
I just ran into mom and dad day drinking at the bar while I skipped class and was day drinking at the same bar.
I have never fucking hated the horrible sound of dozens of off-key recorders BLARING their fucked rendition of "Fais Do-Do" in unison against the screams of an adult male... more than I do now. This is why people avoid teaching. Kill me. End it all.
Is it fucked up to venmo someone for plan-b?
I'm driving to work hungover. I feel like I got hit by a train and then drank that train too.
It’s a good thing I’m the only one in the office today. My boy toy stopped by and now there is jiz all over my desk and couch
Btw I puked in your glovebox
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