The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
A guy just tried to send me a pic of his penis & my phone sent me a disclaimer saying "the components were unsuitable for your terminal"
Even your phone knows you shouldn't sleep with him...
I told him I wanted to have sex to "halleluiah", he suggested the poke-rap.
im gonna make a bucket list just so i can cross off "underwater blowjob"
GO AHEAD, BITCH, GLARE AT MY WAFFLE ONE MORE TIME. I WILL FUCK YOU UP.
The window painters skipped us. They didn't know what to do with the giant SMOKE WEED in the window. So they just skipped it.
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
Dude this weed smells so good they should make it into a Vicks vapor rub scent and I would rub it all over myself.
I responded with "neat-o burrito" to his SEXT...he tried so hard and I just panicked.
if my uterus stops caving in on itself long enough for me to be alive I'm there
CUM CAME OUT OF MY NOSE. MY SINUSES ARE ENTIRELY FUCKED UP NOW BC OF THE CUM TRAVELING IN PLACES IT SHOULD NOT HAVE.
I had one beer! ONE BEER! They took shots in mourning of my tolerance last night. My ability to drink is a joke.
He nicknamed his dick "the fountain of youth" I think it's time to move on...
After the "sex" was over I dressed as quickly as possible. And then he came over to me stark naked and embraced me. For over a minute. And all I could think was please get your penis off my dress.
I’m torn. She’s crazy - like legitimately “Wear your skin as a suit” crazy. But her blow jobs and dirty talk are Pornhub quality!
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