Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
We had sex on the first date...do you think he thinks I'm a whore?
Yes and so do I
when I woke up the last searched thing on my phone was "how to make a fireproof dress" I need to stop drinking.
as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
Hahhaha I literally just rolled outta bed and went to get beer in my pj's and slippers. God I love graduating
I'm dressed like a deranged cupcake. Let's get fucked up.
Discovered that a nalgene holds an entire bottle of wine. Going mobile. Come find me.
Using the random money I found in my bra from Halloween to pay to print my bio notes. I only brought a debit to the bar. College win.
You lit a fire in my vagina no man can extinguish.
Your feet probs hurt bc the cab driver kicked us out a mile from home after you wouldn't stop screaming "prohibition can suck my dick"
You realize that if you get murdered while we're talking, I'm gonna have to explain to your next of kin why the last thing on your phone is a picture of my boobs.
How do I have sand in my vagina if we were an hour away from the beach?
My vibrator box just fell off the table and hit my cat in the head, he is a little stunned. Good thing I went medium size
dude the last time we saw him was 2 nights ago when he was yelling that the trees were naked or some shit then he ran into the forest. I think its time for a search party
Would you laugh at me if I told you I think I burned my nipples?
Randomize
