I just made out with a guy for $7.
Woman walking into toby keith concert: 8 months pregnant, black eye, shirt on that has a picture of a boot and the words "we'll put a boot up your ass" with an american flag printed over--the sleeves were ripped off and she had a camo cowboy hat. Greatest thing I've ever seen.
I am like the Mr. Miyagi of queefs.
I feel like sober is me a distant relative that I only see on christmas..
He IMed me 5 times, before my homepage even loaded. This is not gonna work out for me
on the brightside, the semester can only get better from getting a dui at 8 am on the first day.
your optimism is becoming unhealthy
Man, I wish they all looked like that. Your vagina deserves to have a nice frame around it, and God's signature at the bottom.
All I want is to send a text that says "i slept with someone while wearing nothing but purple argyle socks this weekend." But the only person i would send that to is you. But you already know. Because they were your socks.
Spotted: shirtless guy wearing cut-off hot shorts, 1 cowboy boot and a sombrero puking in a bush while his friend yelled 'stop being a bitch" from the sidewalk'. Happy 4th of July 'merica!
But how do I turn off the feelings though?
Vodka.
it is shots o' clock and I am never late
There are five fire trucks here and needless to say my booty call left so come back home whenever you like
ugh I gave him morning sex and he doesn't even text me back for my bagel order
I'm gonna cum garlic butter
I couldnt sleep the entire night because her cats kept reaching under the door like they were trying to eat me for taking their place on her bed.
I always knew youd fuck a cat lady
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