eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
maybe we can find two twins tonight and bang them together and then my life is complete
would really like to know how the teddy bear got super glued to my testicles.
He managed to tell me he was blind in one eye and convince me to have sex with him in the same conversation. It's love.
She said " I'm going to get her back one day soon for putting extacy in my pop while I drove her to whislter" just a heads up.
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
My professor just told me I'm living a lie and I found puke on my pants. How do you think it's going?
There is a direct correlation between gooch size and male fertility. Science.
like every night i go out someone always suggests nipple hugs so that's why I always end up topless
Note to self; if you can light it on fire, you probs shouldn't drink it
I just realized I'm not wearing clothes. I think my pants may be in the kitchen but I have no idea where my shirt is. I'm kinda worried.
I added our drug dealer to the quickbooks software babe, he is listed under vendor's as an expense category... money management is such a bitch...
apparently ive been in a long term relationship for the past 1 1/2 years w/ out knowing
My New Year's resolution consists of less weekday hangovers, more sex, and more money.
Let’s not dwell on the negatives. I have a fat ass and suck dick well.
Randomize
