we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?
No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.
So basically i got outta bed and started peeing on the a/c unit..when my roommate tried to stop me i looked at him and said "i got this"
i do some of my deepest thinking on my wednesday morning walks of shame
I have a page in my 2010 scrapbook dedicated to pictures of his cock.
I joined a mariachi band. they gave me a guitar because i told them i could play. It actually turned out ok
They kicked me out of the mariachi band. Turns out I'm not that good
just cockblocked my boss's 17 year old son at the Christmas party
i just sat down and hooked up with this girl. after she left i called over another girl and did the same. this happened about four more times and i never left my chair
After 13 tally marks I wrote the number 4,000 and made u sign my arm to prove it.
nothing like a walk of shame in front of a cnn news crew to start the morning off right
I just need a text that says "put that food down bitch" and then maybe I'll lose water weight through tears
This holiday season is going to be rough between people coming home for the holidays and the already regulars on my list I might have to clone my vagina to make sure I get everyone for all they are worth
Me and a 30 year old man are sitting in my bathtub in swimsuits drinking straight rum from the bottle. Don't tell me how fucked up your Christmas is.
Oh good, bag of butt plugs is in my predictive text now
Typing the whole thing out was getting to be such a chore
He's a fucking ninja- think of the things he can probably do with his dick.
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