grinding to god bless the USA? really?
shut up
I hope that the reason I've been psycho on him is that I'm pregnant and not just psycho.
I'm buying a chandelier at walmart. WHO'S CLASSY NOW, BITCHES.
She got all mad because she said it was "unprofessional" to tell my manager to go fist herself.
apparently you can't crawl through the drive-thru window
Well I'm just gonna sit here naked in this chair and whatever happens happens
You can buy vodka at target here.. Maybe Missouri isn't so bad after all
its like..once you have one emotional drunk night, you can't stop. i feel like i have to end every drunken night in tears and i dont think my roommates think it's heartwarming anymore
Before I roll over explain to me why you're naked and on my floor.
Just found a g string in our driveway, wtf happened this weekend?
Hopefully my orange shoes will distract people's attention from my crippling awkwardness
It's 3 in the morning and there is a bird chirping it's head off outside. GOD DAMNIT THIS IS NOT A TIME TO SING OF YOUR CHEERFUL BIRD MERRIMENT YOU STUPID BIRD CUNT!
Can you bring home bongs? Like all the bongs. I need bongs
My roommate is downstairs drunk, smoking, and listening to a self help DVD. Please dear God don't let this be the Ghost of Christmas Future.
I had jack at 8 am= instant drunk
Randomize
