Please stop trying to convince people that you're retarded and I suck your dick in the same conversation.
i just peed out my two story window using my cell phone as a flashlight . hope the neighbors didnt see
I just found out me and my parents buy from the same drug dealer.
you should get a family discount.
Her little brother walked in right as I was finishing and was like "uhhh hey there's a lunar eclipse outside"
It's like that depressing moment when you drop your cocaine in the snow.
The cops walked in to class and arrested 2 guys for possession.
Seriously though a big penis is like a puppy dog, or a sunny day or some other glorious thing
You are such a penis elitist
"Functional." Your standards for how you feel after drinking are so high.
When your night starts by chugging margarita and drinking vodka out of tupperware, I feel it's best to stay realistic.
I'm sitting on the floor singing Bruno mars while they cook and occasionally pet me
ARTHUR IS ON FUCKING NETFLIX THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Where are you on a scale from one to wasted?
Like alphabetically I'd say a v
I didn't think I was even that high but when we were standing in the cop car's headlights I totally forgot how to use my arms
Did I tell you I’m going on a date? His name is Michael and we both like dinosaurs and anal.
Last night we proved the theory that "harder" is the worst rough sex safe-word ever.
“On a break” is implied when it’s a Russian chick dressed as Black Widow wearing Minnie Mouse ears
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