well apparently i yelled MY VAGINA WAS ANNIHILATED and his whole family heard
I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
I think it was the chocolate body paint and awesome blowjob that finally made us official.
I ended up staying at a police station for being a witness in a public masturbation case..NOW do you believe me that I've never had a good St. Patrick's Day?
I complimented him on his choice of carpeting while he was humping me.
I just woke up entirely naked on top of a pile of some guy's laundry on his bedroom floor.
I don't want to tell anyone! People who sleep with senators either end up in porn or guantanamo
And then we were riding the keg in the pool like an 8 second rodeo...naked.
I'm wearing a dinosaur hat bikini cone bra over my shirt. So good things are happening
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
I refuse to be socially acceptable any longer than what is needed to pick up chinese food.
I have a sixth sense for large penises and lack of morals
Had a one night stand and didnt remember the guys name until he started sending me poems in the mail.
I feel awkward having to tell people “sorry you can’t finger me because I will get a UTI and I don’t have health insurance”
I woke up with eight different shoes in my bed what the hell happened last night
Randomize
