I totally thought the tree was playing the guitar
A 12 year old Canadian kid said I was a pussy for only buying a 28-pack. I fit in better in this country.
I saw the video from Saturday. So, how much did I drink for me to think I was a duck and strip my clothes?
"Students using Axe body spray to light selves on fire" is a real headline from a real newspaper. WHY AREN'T WE DOING THIS RIGHT NOW?
I woke up with her little sister yelling "she's dead !!" from the bathroom doorway.
My arms are hairy. And so Is my left leg. Just my left leg, the right is smooth.
That number that I thought was that dude's number...was actually my district manager's number. Fuckkkk.
The lady at Walgreens was all excited my pregnancy tests had a coupon.
You have to summon your inner elephant
Filthy. I need to be power hosed with holy water.
I guess I can give it a shot. I usually just get belligerently drunk and go where my penis and feet lead me. No fights or getting too lost, so they seem to be doing a good job
I'm starting to question if I'm gonna need to bring a raincoat just to drink around u
U act like I can cum on command
I didn't know I was invited to an orgy.
Micheal let me call him captain america while we fucked. It was awesome
it looks like a nuclear can of fuck blew up in here
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