please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
I've hooked up with three guys in my accounting class. I'm beginning to think my teacher failed me so I can start getting laid again.
If tjhis were a lake full of vodka and i were a ducl Id swim my way down and ddrink my way up
Its 6am and I'm sitting on the couch watching Clifford. Crying into my risotto because emily elizabeth helped the girl in the wheelchair get over her stagefright so she can win a trophy. Never drinking alone again.
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
So I had sex in a bulldozer lastnight now that's definitely a first...
I came to the party for him. I don't know where he went, but I mentioned being hungry and his housemate brought me a huge tupperware container of berry cobbler. I think I'll stay.
Overheard-"sex" and "giblet gravy" in the same sentence. Best thanksgiving ever.
The other day, he sent me a snapchat of his dick in the forest. He captioned it "nature nudes."
I feel like it could help stop wars and begin world peace and the continents can unite for one Monday because chicken fries come back today
im buying my prof a giftcard to the state store bc he talked ab crying into a glass of tequila so he deserves it
YOU HAVE TO STOP TELLING BARTENDERS WE DON'T HAVE MORAL STANDARDS
And he kept lifting up his shirt every few minutes to check if his nipples were still there
There are way too many people I have fucked in this class for this not to be awkward
Have you ever been anal in a bush on the Vegas strip drunk?
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