why is it that everyone in pennsylvannia gets fucking prego??
My new apartment is within walking distance of both the liquor store and the chinese buffet. This is either going to be my worst life choice ever or my best.
Apparently "he pulled out..mostly" is not a valid reason for thinking there's no way i can be pregnant to the nurses at the student health center.
She's cheated on every boyfriend she's ever had with the same guy. She's like a slutty yo-yo.
Then, halfway through our conversation, I remembered what you drunkenly told me last night and was all "maintain eye contact, do not look at his massive penis".
do you still have a key to my apartment? Without going into too much detail locked myself out naked on the patio, currently using a deck cushion to cover myself so kids walking home from school dont see me
Don't ever give your dog some hamburger at midnight. Its impossible to enjoy a late night burger when your dog just threw it up all over your carpet. Gremlin rules work with dogs.
My favorite bartender added me on Facebook. Now he can clearly see how under 21 I am
Every time I someone I meet again from that wedding it turns into the "Oh your the guy who puked in the hallway and passed out in front of the elevator."
Yea we just broke up
so do we start sexting now or later?
we didnt plan anything. just randomly met up in the park, both reached into our pockets and each lit up a joint without exchanging words. we're telepathic potheads.
Nice. The Governor's son bruised my vagina.
That's going to be the title of my memoir.
I should be free tonight unless my 5 speed vibrator arrives in the mail today, than we might have scheduling conflicts.
I just took a picture of Austin's dick wearing a hat. Except its not a hat it's a DayQuil cap.
You do realize last night you asked me if shampoo had an expiration date then cried for 15 mins when I told you it did
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