did you wind up at some random place? and do you remember face planting into the fireplace?
he wasnt completely random
you're right. you met him once and didnt know his name. you still dont
i get things done.
he looked about as manly as a guy in a volkswagen bug can look
he started yelling "squirt for me" then his girlfriend knocked on the door and told us to keep it down
i'm not really understanding how she couldn't figure out it was him
He threw a goldfish cracker into my toilet and then proceeded to laugh for 32 minutes. I timed it.
this kid is using one arm to help his buddy with a keg stand, and the other arm to hold up the chick he's making out with.
You're just mad because I look hotter in my mug shot than you do in yours
Everyone is drunk but me. Fantastic. Everyone is hooking up but me. Awkward.
I had a pitcher of margaritas. Now I'm in a laundry room being a 5th wheel and crying. I made myself a bed out of a pool floatie. I win.
He ran around the party with a broken foot/ankle with a gallon of Malibu yelling "it must rain coconut"
my roommate just said she thinks she got a flashback or some memory of me getting hit by a car.
Try to make ecstasy cheese. Capitalize on the molly and greek yogurt trends. MARKETING
And the view of you in reverse cowgirl is arguably the most spectacular view ever... And I've seen the Eiffle tower, the colosseum, mountains of Hawaii, Michaelangelo's David, and the Mona Goddamn Lisa. Just saying.
in other news i got caramel vodka poured on me. upside, i smell amazing
sober me is not impressed with the quality of people that drunk me gives our phone number to
His birthday is on cinco de mayo and he doesn’t drink or like tacos. What a waste.
Randomize
