Don't you think facebook is a bit pretentious, suggesting friends and all? No facebook, I would NOT like to be friends with a girl whose fiancee I have slept with.
So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
thanks 4 putting "im not your boyfriend baby" on my sex playlist. she just got pissed and left.
I want nothing more to get stoned and go to your little sisters petting zoo party but I need to have priorities
Just told my mom I need money for Molly. She was not happy
You held an empty wine bottle to your head and declared yourself the "wine unicorn." For the rest of the night you galloped everywhere and whenever anyone refused to be a wine unicorn with you, you tried to spear them with the bottle.
I need you to be best friend brutally honest about whether or not I can go into public like this.
I woke up naked buried in snacks. Best night ever.
There needs to be a greeting card for "I miss having sex and smoking weed with you."
Like pizza and mermaids make up about 1/3 of my thoughts on the weekends.
Dude, you were so drunk you were hanging from the ceiling of my car pretending you were a sloth while we were on 81.
I just realized that this is the first time I've ever seen your mom without sucking your cock.
I'm unsure if I could pee myself at this point in my life
I’m literally naked drinking a beer and I gotta leave in 6 minutes for work lol
Randomize
