dear santa what can i do with your candy cane?
Grab the Coors Light. Its time to get NASCAR drunk
dude smells like cheese burgers and loose women...... i want his life
the $50 fast cash from checking button should just be retitled "8th of weed"
wicked high...have munchies. cherry flavor lube. problem solved.
just as he was about to cum he started shouting "I THINK I CAN! I THINK I CAN!" over and over again.
We named our saturday intramural dodgeball team "we're hungover". Pretty much just an excuse to fuel my alcoholism on friday nights.
If we don't get kicked out of this hotel tonight for fucking too loud we're breaking up
There is a clear recurring theme of me having sex in restrooms that really needs to stops
after i talked him through a bulleted list of why we couldn't have sex he just said "but it would be fun...."
The door opens out but somehow she managed to kick it in..
Idk she didn't seem that weird to me but I had just eaten an entire tray of jello infused with liquor so I could be wrong...
Please come collect your inebriated significant other. He just sleep-farted and scared my cats. Please hurry.
My vibrator box just fell off the table and hit my cat in the head, he is a little stunned. Good thing I went medium size
No fucking Jell-O shots or meth. Those are the rules
Randomize
