I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
coke and sex party at dan's
im watching greys anatomy with megan...
wha-pishhh
Just realized the hot girl at the office got a boob job over the Holiday.....she is now super-hot girl.
I'm wearing an NBA shooting sleeve while jerking off...and yes my arm has stayed warm
CANT TOUCH THIS JUST CAME ON MY IPOD. LOVE STEVE JOBS
No, no... it's pale and surrounded by awkward, curly, red hair. It's the Ronald McDonald of penises.
If you wondered to yourself today, "did Sarah break her bathing suit strap and flash a pool full of children," the answer is yes.
Was booty called last night and I was so blacked out that my roomie made me puke before going to "eye of the tiger." Why I'm still single is beyond me
All three of my roommates have their significant others over. We're all hanging out in the living room. It's like I'm the trifecta of third-wheeling
I've had more lap dances than hrs of sleep since Thursday, this is why you're planning all three of my bachelor parties
We were sexting and i didn't know what to say, so i said i wanted to wrap him in tortillas and devour him like a burrito. then i went on by saying that i liked my burritos with a lot of cheese.
I was writing 'DISTRACTION' across my chest in Sharpie when my boob fell out. Right on camera.
Just got drunk at the Cheesecake Factory again. Made me think of you.
That's the nicest thing anyone's ever said to me.
I don't know. Seeing the vagina stretched out beyond normal proportions is like watching your favorite superhero die.
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
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