i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
People in love make me want to vomit
He just asked me if his big had a curved penis. Awkward? I think so.
fyi, she knows we call her the sperm bank. watch your back.
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He said that he didn't know what level the sun was on, and then he puked.
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
I really need to create fewer "the time I was on drugs" stories for my future memoir, "my first year in San Francisco".
good luck with that
There is a really great story behind the missing Coco Puffs and vodka mystery
First roommate to find me and dance with me will live. Battle Royale.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I watched you fall asleep, sitting up, eating a cinnamon roll. You proceeded to wake up...smile at your cinnamon roll, ask it how it got into your hand and then began eating it again. You asked me if you were ridiculous last night, define ridiculous.
We were destined to go to rehab together
This drive is very scenic
And I'm chugging whiskey in the back
As you should, soak in all this country has to offer
They won't let me buy alcohol in the airport until 9am. Super judgemental
It's one am and you're asking me if you should buy a plane ticket for a booty call.
I passed up getting laid last night. It's almost been a YEAR - what the Hell was I thinking, being so choosy??
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