So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
just bought a $25 eighth from a chick who has a kid. i'm helping my community out right?
how drunk are you?
What does that even mean anymore?
I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to hit on someone with another guy's semen in your hair. not even at ihop.
ALTON JUST DID GRAVY SHOTS. THIS IS WHY HE'S MY HERO
Party Liz is going to have to have her wings clipped until someone gets me some baby reins to wear
i think she just faxed a picture of her vag from the office copy machine... i mean what kind of sexting is that... wait is that even legal???
I think that's mostly how we became friends.
Well that, and your desire to put your penis in me.
She wants to go as a facebook "like" for halloween, but right now her costume looks more like the hamburger helper hand with broken fingers.
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
Apparently "I licked it so now it's mine" doesn't apply to people
I COULD CUT A FUCKING DIAMOND WITH MY RIGHT NIPPLE RIGHT NOW HOLY FUCK
Threesomes are not as fun as you'd think. I left with a black eye and I'm not sure who's to blame.
when part of the plan includes getting high, i usually forget how the rest of the plan goes.
I flushed a potato down the toilet so now we have to live in a hotel.
Randomize
