My t9 writes chubies instead of bitches.
either way. win, win.
I totally thought the tree was playing the guitar
I never said you were fat, just too fat for ME
Just bought two budlight beers with a can of tuna at the bar
Look at the bright side...I have an 11 inch penis
I don't remember him, but he's saved in my phone as "uh oh zbt"
at russian wedding, no open bar. bottles of vodka at table. getting to work tomorrow may be an issue.
literally the only thing you kept saying was "i wish i had a beer keg vending machine that accepted hugs as payment" and everytime you said it you rubbed the urn her grandmother's remains were in
he put on The Eye of the Tiger while she was in labor.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
The amount of guys who just came into the room to give me a high five after hooking up with him was about 5 too many.
I want him for more than banging and buying me potato salad. Is this what love feels like?
Some dudes just stopped and stared at me peeing in the street for like 5mins, and I yelled HEY. HEY. WANT ME TO SHIT IN YOUR MOUTH? I'LL SHIT ON YOUR CHEST FOR FIVE DOLLARS, PAPI
this is why i love drunk you
My throw up tasted like pumpkin, fall is right around the corner.
Is it ironic that our divorce court is a block from where we had our reception? Or is it just sad? Alanis has confused my understanding of irony.
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