and we just had intercourse last night so i'm exhausted, fucked up on adderol, emotionally broken and just pissed
I'll hook up with guys I don't even like, as long as they leave early enough the next day.
Sam Adams makes it so easy to keep track of the seasons.
probably shouldnt have written that paper while wasted, its starts with once upon a time
i tried to stop you but you kept shouting "two birds with one stone!"
Swallowing. Like you said. Lions. Always.
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
Has anyone ever told you you're majestic like a sea turtle when you fuck?
And your cock privileges have been revoked.
I'm on my fifth cocktail in twenty minutes. I don't think I will end this on two legs.
Where the hell did all of these gingers come from? It's like they crawled out of their shame-caves for st Patrick's day.
I can't straight up say the only reason I smoked a couple bowls with you was for your three legged cat
And then he serenaded me with "Pimps don't cry" from 'The Other Guys'. If that's not love I'm not sure what is
Thanks for the morning blowjob. Scientifically proven you can't have a bad day if it starts with a blowjob.
I'm watching the World Cup in bed naked with john and our USA flag aviator glasses. Can you say America?
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
Randomize
