i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
You would think that an uncircumcised man would understand how the hood of a clit works.
But I always wanted my obit to read "Died violently in casino orgy," not "Never woke up from rectal surgery."
New handbag passed the ultimate test. The walk of shame. I had a bra, tights, skirt, shirt & sweater in it and you couldn't tell. yessss.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I created a photogrid for every picture he has ever sent me of his penis. Now I can see every angle at one time. THIS IS GREAT.
I learned something last night. Strippers can be on house arrest?
Everyone is now just referring to it as "the night Hannah couldn't get laid" so needless to say you didn't miss much
the fat lady is now rubbing her stomach and staring at me. I hate trains
A fair warning: I don't think a cop will let you off the hook just because your birthday is on New Year's Eve
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I told him I was going to sit on his face after I got out of the shower, he threw up the arm boners and yelled "STEVE HOLT!!" I might actually stop sleeping with other dudes.
I'm so high. I'm going to need directions to get home.
YOU LICKED MY MAKEUP OFF.
I woke up to Dragon Ball Z playing in Portuguese and a donut shish-kebab~ed on a dick in my face.
Its like he got lessons from Jesus on how to use his tongue. And his dick.
I was so high last night that at one point I kept licking his neck saying he tasted like soap and truffles.
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