He's been sleeping iwht ***
Nooo
Yeah I don't even know how, she looks like her mom smoked crack while she was in the womb
And then hit her in the face with a shovel
did i call you last night crying about tacos and the royal wedding again?
And here i was gonna offer you a complimentary blowjob.
on a scale of 1 to 'no sex' how busy are you this week?
I mean how do you tell a nurse in the ER that you dislocated your knee giving a blowjob to your boyfriend.
Very innocently.
My month off booze swimsuit season diet plan is working well. Plus I'm learning so much about my house, did you know a girl named Meagan lives here?
Like I've never seen her that drunk. She's usually like quiet and doesn't say she'll fuck someone on a futon
OMG. Dad just threw a 100 dollar bill down on the table for a girl to lift her shirt. I think he was kidding, but...
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
Clothes make me feel like a responsible adult and that's just not something I'm ready to handle.
Well my mom knows that the welt I had on my forehead last month was the result of a sex accident. This holiday sucks
Just ignore the penis. It's won't bother you. I promise.
I am available for nakedness
We were making eye contact while i was throwing up.
WTF. I was 99% sure I went straight home last night. I just woke up hugging a chair, and my tux pocket has a flask filled with what I think is red bull and gatorade. This has to be your doing.
Randomize
