sometimes I tug on my anal hairs for pleasure
you've officially gone too far. we are no longer friends
You burnt your salmon and tried to mail it. Post marked to: Starving Kid in Africa
The stoners next door have their couch on the sidewalk again, shirtless, soaking their feet in a baby pool and listening to loud ukulele music. I want their life.
all they had in the fridge was rum and filled water balloons
Babe, I need to be clear. I DO NOT WANT TO HAVE ANAL. Never. No anal. No "talking about it"
He has a clip art-style heart tattooed on his hip. I hated him way before I saw his tiny dick.
It's annoying. I only date people who are 6 foot 3, drug dealers, or 2 years older than me.
We ate our feelings. Then drank our feelings. I feel feminism delivered.
Braid them armpits, sister.
I inhaled my own vomit, how was your night?
He's easy on the eyes, light on his feet, and rough in bed...what more could a girl ask for in a rebound?
Meanwhile I'm googling glory holes in Vegas
I have loved her ever since she went down on my first wife
I’m going to cut back. New Year, New Me
I would never wish less dick on anyone but do what you gotta do
Trying to figure out these fractions. I bought 5 fifths of gin last week. Does that mean I have one whole gin? 5/5 = 1, right? You're having to homeschool your kids right now--so ask them.
Liz Cheney wasn’t exactly on my list of women I expected to be saying “YAS QUEEN” for in 2021 but here we are
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