Just had another dream about being on Real Chance of Love. I think it's a sign.
Im already sauced. Have been for hours. Its kinda my thing.
I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
Don't bang him. The amount of Jack Johnson he listens to is embarrassing for even a white person.
The shit I just took made me regret every life decision leading up to it.
I don't remember but we shouldn't have a problem. Unless drunk you encouraged drunk me not to wear a condom.
I think we have a problem.
Dude there is a stripper at my door saying she has my birthday present. She knows my name...but it's not my birthday...
God works in mysterious ways my friend.
stalking the twitter feeds of girls who have fucked my current fuck buddy makes me glad we use condoms
I have more sex toys than shoes - HOW AM I SINGLE?!?!?
Just want to let you know thanks for setting the bar pretty low when it comes to girls.
In my drunk state I was like I ONLY HAD SEX WITH SOMEONE ELSE BECAUSE HE WAS THE HOTTEST GUY IVE EVER EVEN SEEN
This strange Italian man told me he wants to take me for ice cream and kept calling me "tomato" from tinder
I shall relish in being the most basic of bitches
Would you say that skipping class and sitting alone in my room singing One Direction to myself and sobbing is an acceptable way to deal with the break-up
Randomize
