I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
You smell like a Billy Joel song
Do brothers usually kiss their sisters?
My landlord wasn't pleased about the new fire pit we built him.
I thought you'd have died of alcohol poisoning years ago! How'd you get my number?
He had a beer bottle in each of his back pockets and was on rollerblades. All I remember is following him for about 10 minutes
I seriously just found a rose petal in my vagina.
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
Side note... I would pay good money to have witnessed the reaction of onlookers as I sprinted down Armtiage with a 15 lb bag of peanuts under my arm
In light of your oncoming completion of twenty-three years of personhood, I feel a pressing need to blast country-pop phenomenon Taylor Swift's hit single "22" in your general direction until midnight.
We had sex six times. In a span of 8 hours. Confirmation I don't need to go to the gym.
...and now I welcome the sweet embrace of death.
I just watched will sing pure imagination from willy wonka and then blow a banana
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