oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
oh right, i forgot that not everyone has a go-to blowjob
I think we should start referring to bisexuals as "strays"
She was so wet my fingers were literally pruney when I got done with her
My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred.
Hey, if I can't get it and you're still alive, can you get the glass out of my foot? Happy Sunday.
Do you think I could convince a doctor that my uterus is poisoning me? It wouldn't technically be a lie. It does more harm than good.
Dude where are you? I've been here an hour and all I've done is get head from a random in the stairwell.
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
We had sex twice and at Wendy's how dare you diminish that.
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
I am still awake. And let me sing you the song of my people. Ahem. "I have a bottle of hydrocodone and you all can fuck off."
He has started theming his dick pics. I have one he sent his duck has a sombrero on. Another a Barbie is riding it.
I can't find my keys and there's a hotdog in my purse.
then he said the sex was mediocre and that it was because of me. and that we could try again tomorrow.
it was 100% mediocre because of him, and we will 100% not be trying again tomorrow.
Randomize
