Yes. It's so easy to pack to leave when you've thrown away half your clothing cause it smells like vomit.
My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
He came in, laid on our floor and started to make a snow angel.. On the floor. Then he just left never said a word. 20 mins later walked back in and dropped his pants, looked down and said "wow im happy i had boxers on."
Apparently I promised a worker at La Siesta free English lessons to make up for vomming all over the little Mariachi band.
He knows my period schedule but not my work schedule.
there's a liquor store near my therapist
i might give it a shot.
That kid who fell through your coffee table is here. In a toga.
Last I remember we played rock paper scissors for who would fuck the guy with cowboy boots on and I won..
Good morning sunshine. Care to hear the riveting tale of Michelle and the Almost Great Night That Ended In An Early Morning of Karma Emptying It's Bowels On Her Guilty Shoulders?
I don't get hangovers. Except once. And there is a massively epic story behind that, involving so much alcohol I should have died, and 13 raw hotdogs.
I see your creepy poodle photo and raise you a shirtless elderly gentleman who looks like a yetti in cutoffs who may or may not have an ENORMOUS erection.
.... touche....
My tights ended up on the driveway folded neatly. Any ideas how that happened?
Saw your dad at the bar last night... And again this morning when he left. Told you not to mess with me bitch.
Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me
I miss your drunken presence, and strong odor of hard liquor and potent weed.
Randomize
