you remind me of a slightly lless slutty bristol palin
and you remind me of a slightly less retarded levi johnston
everytime she opens her mouth i wish that i was deaf
Everytime I walk into a bathroom at school that I've taken a pregnancy test in I get a little bit nostalgic....
I feel like everytime I call him he's either fucking or getting into trouble. It's really disturbing that he presses the answer button and then proceeds to fuck her harder.
Someone painted a weed leaf on my leg with red paint. Or blood. I hope paint.
Holy fuck just found a used tampon in the leg of my pants. it's not paint. It's. Not. Paint.
Eating my shrimp pasta on the porch with a 40, wearing a Hawaiian shirt, proclaiming "I GOT SCRIMPS." I just jumped the shark of college.
It was so weird. She left to go to the bathroom and her older sister leaned towards me with a creepy smile and said, "You don't deserve her" and then continued to stare at me with a crazy expression for the rest of the evening.
That's kinky shit dude.
Jesus christ it's been two texts and we are already talking about dildos
No longer is one of my lifelong dreams to ride in a kangaroo pouch. You have eternally ruined that for me. Thank you.
So I come back home and a huge flock of enormous vultures are on my roof
They're waiting for you to die
apparently I got pissed off that no one would let me spray them with a bottle of champagne at midnight of the new year. so I sprayed myself with one shirtless in the near freezing cold outside
Like either my tits got bigger or I've succumbed to Trumps tiny hand syndrome
The magnum condom fits. I feel like a manly version of cinderella
anything below 65° is too cold to be naked on a roof
I think I'm more excited for Santa to come now that I made a drinking game out of it
Randomize
