i wish i could watch tv and lissten to music at the same time...but still understand both
i think otters can do that
She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
Did you eat 9 cans of raviolii last night?
Come on man nobody wants to admit that
May or may not have just lost a contact hanging out Anthony's sunroof. Drunk. Hint: I can only see out of one eye right now.
He's texting from midnight mass asking for nude pics. Baby Jesus is spinning in his manger as we speak
I pulled a muscle last night drunk dirty snapchatting him
I have a high opinion of you, you smash bitches. Respect.
Grindr hookup awareness: always make sure that you agree to blow one person and they aren't bringing a Friend/boyfriend. Shits weird when you're sober.
Her instagram is literally selfies, cats, and guys she's fucked.
I don't have time to shower before my passport photos...your cum is all over my hair...that's with me for 10 years now
Forever getting my life back together in gas station bathrooms.
there’s plenty of nice guys out there with good jobs and NO felonies!
thanks for letting me have sex in your bed, too bad you didn't get to yet
who are you?
Sometimes I feel like my vagina has a photographic memory of his penis. It sucks that he got engaged....
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